Thursday, February 26, 2009

Look Ma, no hangover

So I got my ass off the couch last night. And it was because of Matador, and his drunk intermittent texts. And it wasn't because I thought Joliet or Fat Tuesday would be so exciting I would talk about it for years to come. I've experienced both before and neither were ever worth more than a days worth of conversation.

No it was because real me was staring current me in the face saying WTF?? This was inadvertently due to this girl and my response to this post, which is a post about boys and friends and alcohol and pancakes and alcohol and probably some disguised douchebaggery and alcohol and hinted about sex and some alcohol leaving the body at some point thank you god and she wrapped up it all up with "Complete fail at moderation." To which I responded Moderation is overrated. And it is. But after I posted that sentence I looked at it and thought what the fuck motherfucker, practice what you preach. Lead by example I always say. If my friends could make me a t-shirt that described me it would probably say Excess is Key. Or Freak. No wait that one is from the ex-girl friends. Strike that.

But seriously. I thought who the fuck am I that I even had a thought that lead me to be sitting on my couch at 10:30pm on Fat Tuesday. So I got my fat ass up, put myself together and got my ass out of the house. I stopped at McDonald's on the way to make myself more fat, effectively ending my 2 week streak of not eating food from a drive through.

There is obviously more to the story I am just incapable of posting at this time. See you tomorrow.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Happy Fat Heathen Day

I am celebrating Fat Tuesday by drinking a Fat Tire beer. I'm sure the beer nor the company have no affiliation with Mardi Gras, New Orleans or anything remotely related to the Catholic Church, but it does have the word Fat in it so I'm assuming most Americans will forgive me because we seem to have such a love affair with fat anyway.

And instead of being at a bar hoping erroneously that some woman will lift her top, I am sitting on my couch getting fat.

I should have been playing poker but I was not willing to cut my time with Monkey short, even if she did trounce me in Scrabble. I could have been drinking in Joliet at the one bar I find tolerable out there with one of the handful of people I find tolerable out there, but after spending the evening discussing responsiblity and the future with my daughter I found it harder to spend the night drinking when I know I have to work at 11am.

Although it seems the Matador has not completely given up on me and as we speak is trying to twist my arm long distance. Not as effective as in person but seeing as I have the world's most twistable arm he still may be able to accomplish my goal. My fear of course is that he will be shit faced by the time I arrive and I will just end up taking him home and sitting in his living room watching movies until 4am.

Wish me luck.

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Burgers and Bros

I am forcing myself to post before watching lost on

Had a good time last night. I went out with my brother and two friends we had not seen since we were about 14 or 15 years old. We went to Kuma's Corner which, if you even remotely like burgers, you have to go to. I know I have mentioned this place before but I don't know if I have done it justice. I don't know if I could do it justice. Kuma's primarily is a bar that happens to serve burgers. The best burgers. Trust me on that one. I didn't believe it either. There is metal and amazing art work and more amazing burgers and no crap beer, and super friendly waitstaff.

But back to the night. We spent a good three hours talking about shit that we haven't talked or thought about in years. One of the memorable quotes of the night was "One of my most vivid childhood memories is knocking on your door and handing your grandmother your teeth."

We laughed and talked and caught up and agreed to do it again. Our friends went home fairly early, before 9, the whole wife/family thing.

Brother and I then went to Local Option, Brother's favorite watering hole. He apparently frequents there often enough to know the owner and all the staff. We talked for hours, including stuff that we normally don't talk about. We had a great time. I enjoyed it immensely. I think my brother and I are becoming as good friends now as we were as kids which is nice.

Tonight is Valentine's Day. I don't have a Valentine and am not only OK with this but kind of happy about it. Not sure why exactly but I am.

I am going out to night with Rico Suave, Foti, and Biker Guy. I may invite Brother. Workout girl and her friends are supposed to be in the city but haven't heard from them. We are going to Hogs & Honeys. Haven't been there in a couple of years but it is a fun place to drink and watch people ride the mechanical bull. I will not be getting my stupid ass on the bull tonight but hope that others in the group are not as smart as I, because it is fun to watch.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

If I were a bro

Hilarious video. Excellent vocals. Done by this woman.

Monday, February 09, 2009

Wednesday, February 04, 2009


I think tony has the right idea about ESP blogging. I think we need to figure out how to get that machine from Tommyknockers working so are blog posts can be written in the next room while we figure out how to get our noses to stop bleeding. I always have these ideas about blog posts while I am work but the network administrator apparently thinks that me reading or posting blogs is appropriate. Bastards. At least they haven't figured out how to block google reader. Otherwise I would be completely cut off from the blogosphere. As I was for the past 3 days. I was stuck in joliet because of my work schedule, snow, and Matador's birthday. Matador's birthday.

Matt's birthday was yesterday and I met him and friends when I got off of work. It was nearly as legendary as last year but it was fun and it's technically not over because we are back on the crazy train to night. Actually my dirty smelly procrastinating ass needs to be in the shower right now because there are at least two people on the way to my house right now.

But enough about now. Last night consisted of Me, Matador, Aborama (aka Abs), Abs' brother MC, Abs' boyfried Kentucky, and The Green Crayola, who was in disguise as Drewster for most of the night.

The night started out tame. Well it ended tame too but shhh we're not there yet. MC and Drewster each seemed a little tanked by the time I got there but who knows. We had a few drinks and play Race Poker on one of the those video game doohickeys you see on top the the bar sometimes. Way more fun than it looks. Especially when MC would only pick his cards based on suit even when it meant passing up pairs, three of a kind and straights. He redeemed himself the second game. The amazingly cute bartender wrapped in an amazingly cute package named Holly kept us well lubricated. We played some trivia. Also way fun especially because the matador decided that moderate to severe intoxication makes him the smartest person in the bar. My favorite trivia question of the night was this:

What was the real name of Baby in the movie Dirty Dancing?

A. Irene

B. Whore

C. Frances

D. Angie

I picked C because you always pick C when you don't know the answer, but B was way tempting.

And there were pictures. Because after last year's pictures, there has to be follow up.

Sunday, February 01, 2009


I don't delight in writing about evacuating my bowels the way some bloggers do but this the first time I have been able to sit down for more than 3 minutes today and for that I am thankful. An thank you to blog writer who allows me to post from my phone.

I love the I phone.

The best I could