Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Is it wrong

To regret that you have a conscious? I just bet my brother $1000 that Meg Ryan was in Top Gun. The problem is that I owe him $1750. If I didn't owe hm anything I would forgive the bet. He is willing to honor this this bet but I think it is mainly because he he thinks I can't actually pay him back. So I'm torn between winning an honest bet and proving my brother wrong.

I've apparently upgraded

To a better bar because I am now getting my water back in real plastic instead of frat party beer cup plastic.

I got posts a comin'

But I gotta say right now

That Brother looked me in the eye and said "you know you've had five of those" and I said in my best gravely Al Pacino voice "I'm just gettin' warmed up"".

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

This Woman Is Sixty Two Years Old

I was just watching Jimmy Kimmel Live, and although I have no idea whether it was live or a repeat, Susan Lucci came out in a short strapless dress and was SMOKING!!!!! I mean you could tell she was older than she initially appeared and I'd be willing to bet she's had some work done. Either that or she has the world's greatest strapless push-up bra.

Now I've met a GILF before but she was 45, Susan Lucci is Sixty Two years old. As of today. Actually, yesterday, December 23. 1946. She is only 6 years younger than my dad. But I'd have admit that even though I am 104 going on 40, if she wasn't married and I could tolerate her silly giggle of a laugh for more than 15 minutes I would totally take a run at that.


So now that I've provided you with the sick thought of the day I have to wrap Christmas presents.

Speaking of which, I got an early Christmas present that may actually end up being my favorite Christmas present. A Jersey. A Cubs jersey. A big Z Cubs jersey. And I am stoked. When does the season start. If I win the lotto, I am so going to spring training.

And yes I know I have to blog about the bar crawl. If I don't do it before I leave for Vegas, I promise to do it on the plane.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Bar Crawling

It is -3 degrees outside which 2 degrees warmer than it was this am. 8 degrees colder than the expected low

Friday, December 19, 2008


I am currently on a quest to watch all the Best Picture Oscar winners. Since 1929. There was a Best Production award in 1928 that was given to Wings and I would have watched it but it seems to be unavailable. 1929 was the first year a Best Picture award was given, and the winner was The Broadway Melody of 1929. It was good, not great but good. I felt it was a little slow and the acting a little overdone but I feel that was probably due to the fact that most of the actors had there training in the theater where everything needs to be a little more pronounced. In 1930 came All Quiet on the Western Front. A book most of us have read. I book I hope most of us liked if not loved. In trying to find out in what year the remake was made I have discovered that it is being remade again and is due out in 2009. I have strong feelings about that and will have to devote an entire other post to it. Which is good because it brings us faster to why I am here today. Cimarron.

Cimarron 1931 Academy Award Best Picture Winner

Cimarron is a western although not quite a much a shoot-em-up as we have come to expect westerns to be, but it has been given the distinction of being the first western to win Best Picture.

Cimarron depicts and follows the life of Yancey Cravat, a newspaper man from Kansas spurred west by the Oklahoma land rush, taking his wife and an unexpected stow away with him. He arrives in Oklahoma in 1889 when the streets are dirt and the law is the fastest gun, or the most ornery bastard or both. It follows Osage, Oklahoma and Yancey through forty years of change. With Osage and Oklahoma adapting far better than Yancey. It is a bit slow at times but that is to be expected from a movie from 1931, a year when people didn't expect there information at 1.5Mbs or there movies to move at 100mph. This one's worth 2 hours of your time.

And to make it even more appealing and interesting, it is based on a real person Temple Houston, son of Sam Houston, who was a lawyer in Oklahoma at the end of the 19th century. Watching the movie, especially the end, gives you the sense that at least some of this was based on someone's life. So I was pleased to find out it was.

Historical information and pictures were found at Saddlebums who give a much better review of this movie than I.

Also in research for this review I discovered that not only that Cimarron was remade in 1960 but they are currently remaking it again and it is due out in 2010. Apparently I am not the only one looking at the list of the past 80 Best Picture winners. This is a good movie, leave it alone. You may be able to put in more special effects and get it to move a little faster, but don't you think that people who may have actually remembered 1889 would do a better job than people 120 years later whose idea of history is to check the box office totals from last year.

Hollywood can you please be original. Please.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008


That's all you get.

Friday, December 12, 2008

Quote of the day

"we are laying you fresh meat"

Unfortunately that came from the wendy's drive through.

Worse things could happen

Sunday, December 07, 2008


So I re-watched Casino Royale last night. And realized how cheesy stupid bond was that he fell in love so fast, and for not noticing immediately that she had stolen the money she was doing a bit of over acting or over reacting one or the other immediately after transferring the funds. But it proved to me that Quantum of Solace was definitely a better movie and a better Bond movie even though I don't think he said Bond, James Bond during the entire movie. Re-watching Casino also has reminded me that this story was supposed to be the beginning of Bond and with the way he ended Quantum I know that Bond is now Bond and the next movie should not only be kick ass but a Bond movie in the way we know and love bond. I think Daniel will make a great Bond and those of you who cant get past the hair color I say,


Saturday, December 06, 2008

So i'm sitting in my car

And I'm thinking about what movies I should watch to get me in the mood for Vegas and Ocean's Eleven and Swingers come to mind immediately. Then I think Go. Go! Go is a great movie with some cool Vegas scenes. And then I remember Very Bad Things. Now there's a movie that exemplifies the guys weekend in Vegas. And the stupid things we do when we are scared.

So what I am looking for are suggestions on cool Vegas or Vegas related movies to watch. Please leave them in the comments.

Wednesday, December 03, 2008


So I've been trying not to say anything outloud but I'm bored. At work. Yes at work where I am usually running in circles and pulling my hair out most of the time. The last two weeks have been better than usual but today it's a ghost town in here. Here in the ER we don't like to talk about such things. We don't say the Q word (quiet) or the S word (slow). Tempting the fates is something we just don't do. And as such I may have with only an hour left to go doomed my self to getting off late.

But silence just won't do anymore. I am dying to get out of here but of course the last patient I saw is the first person I saw all day that needed blood work. So now I wait. Hoping every thing doesn't take an hour and I can leave on time or early.

Wish me luck.

Tuesday, December 02, 2008

Woo Hoo!

I have internet! *does happy dance* Real live on my computer, internet.

Woo Hoo!

I of course have to run out of the house now to get my haircut but we're lucky I will post tonight about my last two nights of drinking.


Test pics 2

Word of the day

Incursion: Entering someone else's domain.

'nuff said.

Test pics

Monday, December 01, 2008

208.4 fat ass pounds

I kind of find that hard to believe. I have been eating better/less over the past 3 days and worked out 2 days ago, but I think the real culprit behind the weight loss is dehydration from last nights drinking. Yes I'm eating better but the evil demon alcohol keeps sneaking in there. I don't think there is any reason for him to be around for at least a week not that he ever needs one.

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Well that didn't go well

I apparently have to have a picassa account to upload photos from my phone. And I haven't been able to get picassa to load on my phone. And it is blocked on my computer at work although I can sign onto google reader with no problem. So with my Internet downat home it may be a while before i can post pictues unless I use Matador's computer.


Yep, 215 fat ass pounds. That is what I weigh buck ass naked. Four pounds more than I weighed a week ago and six pounds more than I weighed two weeks ago. But the exact same as I weighed 2 1/2 months ago. 215 is the heaviest I have ever been. I have hit a few times in the past and now have been hovering around it all year. Expect a lot of boring updates about this subject, but I hope to intersperse it with tales of drunken adventures to keep it interesting.

The best way to do that is with photos. I have purchased the full version of blog writer for my iPhone. So let's test it out.

Fuck this noise

Fuck excuses. Fuck low will power. Fuck sacrifice. Fuck not wanting to exercise. Fuck more excuses.

Al from BloodandThunder has apparently lost 80 pounds. (sorry no links right now, I am using a freebie blog publisher for the iPhone will upgrade soon). If he can lose 80 pounds I can get my ass off the I wanna bus and on to the I am train if not the you bet your ass super train.

I leave for vegas in 31 days and barely fit into the clothes I bought there 2 years ago. We won't even bring up Miami clothes from 4 years ago. Hell I'm having a hard time getting into the suit I wore in Miami last year.

So here is the goal, the challange to myself. 30 pounds in 30 days. Lofty goal, but as they say aim for the stars and if you miss you still end up with the moon. The closest I have ever come to this goal is 30 pounds in 6 weeks 10 years ago. I was in a more motivated place overall back then and I was already working out, but screw it. No more alcohol. No more junk food. No more fucking around.

Oops. That last part is figurative not literal. If I can get some in the next 30 days I'm taking it. It will improve my mood AND burn calories.

Wish me luck I am going to go weigh my big fat McDonald's eating ass now.

Friday, November 28, 2008

Happy Thanksgiving

Expect random nonsense. I am tired but not sleepy. Dinner was good. Brother didn't get his act together so we ended going out to eat. And in style. Ditka's restaurant downtown. Excellent food. Prix fixe thanksgiving feast if you so desired. We did. Butternut squash soup or crab bisque. They were identical in color. I have no idea how the waiter could tell them apart. We could. Next was a choice of salad. Chopped or mike's salad. Mike salad was arugula and a similar looking red lettuce, apples,walnuts, blue cheese, and a vinagerette dressing.

The main course was turkey- white and dark meat, stuffing, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes also mashed, green beans almondine, and cranberry sauce, and possbly one more thing that I am forgetting. It was all on one plate. Just like you would do at home. One big scrumpcious pile of food on your plate.

Then dessert. Choice of pumpkin cheese cake, pecan pie, or choclate lava cake. Mom went with the choclate cake. The rest of us indulged in the pumpkin cheese cake. Only brother and I finished our desserts, although it seemed to take him a week to finish his. It was amazing to say the least. I didn't try the chocolate cake because I really didn't feel that pumpkin and chocolate go together, but in retrospect I think the ice cream on the chocolate cake was pumpkin. It was an orange color that I really couldn't reconcile at the time and was too engrossed in the cheesecake to ask.

It was $40 per person which I thought was pretty resonable given the quality of the food and the exceptional service.

Speaking of good food, steak night is finally a reality. I have been trying to get brother to commit to a monthly steak night for over a year now without success. So I have opened up the circle to my friends who seem enthusiastic. Our first outing will be at the Capital Grille downtown. I have seen the one near Yorktown mall but didn't know about the one in the city. Chicago magazine recently published a list of the twenty best steakhouses in the city, so we are going to go through their list in alphabetical order.

PS- I am going to Vegas for New Year's Eve

Thursday, November 27, 2008

About time

Well I finally I had an epiphany and realized that the reason I couldn't use the blogging program for my iPhone that I have had for 2 months was that I was using the wrong email address to log into my blogspot account. So I apologize to the blogwriter creators for any disparaging remarks I had for what I thought was a non functioning program. So hopefully you will see more posts from me.

Now if you will excuse me I have to go find and kill my brother. Q

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Fuck Me Running

OK so no luck kids. My DVD drive is still opening and closing on a regular basis and it seems to be even faster now. I haven't timed it because if it is faster I will really be ticked the fuck off.

So any of you computer geeks who read this (yes brother, this means you) have any idea how to fix this please let me know.

I am going to shut off my computer as to not be annoyed into oblivion.

Monday, October 20, 2008

Well, now that's something

I have not written here in quite awhile for two reasons. One, I have had very little energy, and two, I have had little to write about. I was going to say very little to write about but I did go on a very interesting 4 day bender in which I received 2 hangovers, 2 phone numbers and about 6 hours of sleep in 3 days. And yes that would have been more interesting for you the hangovers and lack of energy due to lack of sleep left me less than enthusiastic about writing.

But as Tony says "just write" and "write some more"

What has prompted me to write at this moment is that my computer, specifically my DVD drive has become possessed. While reading my email my DVD drive opened and then just as quickly closed again. At first I thought it might be Norton prompting me to back up my system. But then the drawer would stay open, it did not. And Norton itself would be open. It is not. And yet, even as we speak it continues to open and close approximately every thirteen seconds. I find this both annoying and amusing at the same time. Amusing because I have always been fond of poltergeists and feel they have been given a bad rap. Annoying because it does make noise and repetitive noises tend to piss me off. And because there is no one here to witness it and I am not able to see their reactions which might amuse me enough to outweigh the annoyance factor. But alas no such luck.

I have not yet tried to remedy this situation because if I do and no one ever sees this will anyone ever believe me. Also if I cure the problem I may be deluded into believing that it was indeed poltergiests that have cause this phenomenon and not something more sinister, like dare I say a computer virus. If this indeed a computer virus I find it quite clever. Not destructive just amusing and annoying. Well if the writer of said alleged virus is reading this almost non-existent blog I say, Bravo!

Now get this damn thing out of my computer!

OK am about to manually open the DVD drive off schedule to see if it thwarts whatever mechanism has caused this anomaly.

Nope. No such luck. When I opened it, it closed again immediately and then opened and closed again about 8 seconds later adn then resumed its 13 second pattern. I am hoping that rebooting my computer will solve the problem and not launch some full fledged attack on my computer or some full fledged attack on me by my computer.

Wish me luck.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water

This post was originally going to be a review, now it is going to be a bitch session.

Can software developers stop making upgrades, or at least stop adding shit that we don't want, and especially shit that doesn't work. I have been a fan of Mozilla Firefox and have used it exclusively for over a year. The only time i used Internet explorer was when firefox wouldn't let me watch movies on Netflix. Firefox has fixed that and I never use ie anymore. Recently Firefox upgraded and created a new interface. They also added a feature where you can save where you were and all your tabs when you close firefox. I hadn't used that feature because usually when I close my tabs I am done and have no reason to return to the exact same space. Until today. I had three tabs open including my email and figured I would return to it when I was done running. And I did. Except for the fact that when I opened Firefox everything was gone. No bookmarks, no history, not even a home page. It opened to a completely blank page and when I hit the little home icon I got firefox's homepage instead of I actually accepted the fact I was going to have to replace all my bookmarks, I figured heck they needed cleaning up anyway, right?

Well they're clean all right because it won't let me add any new bookmarks. When I enter a page it takes me there but next to the URL instead of an icon for that page there is an icon of a blank page and when I put my cursor over it it says This web site does not supply identity information. And when I try to drag the URL onto the taskbar or add a bookmark nothing happens.

I am a bit past pissed off right now. I am going to take a shower to try and cool off and clean this damn body of mine.

Friday, September 05, 2008

Follow up

Originally posted on April 17, 2008

Hey, it is warm in chicagoland and you know what that means. Baseball. Cubs baseball. The only baseball in town. And I am going to the game. Went on Tues. They kicked ass I drank beer. Two games in one week. And I just realized that I can probably make it to tomorrow's game also. Woo Hoo.

I don't work until 9p on Fri. No beer at the game but it is still a cubs game. And I'm going to a wedding on Sat. The wedding. It is going to be the biggest party of the year. I wish I could fit into my blue suit. It is so much cooler than my grey one. Oh well shit happens. There is going to be so much alcohol there no will notice I am wearing a suit. Actually there will be so much alcohol there that I might not be wearing a suit by the end of the night.

Camera battery is dead, and the spare is truly dead- won't take a charge :(

So no pics of today's game but the camera will be ready to go on Sat. So expect some drunk photos. Of course I won't post them to Aug the way I am going but they will still be great.



I was close, it's September and here are those pics...

Thursday, September 04, 2008

More political commentary than you can shake a stick at

More of an observation than a commentary, during Sarah Palin's speech yesterday

I noticed that her daughter looked pregnant but I kept telling myself that she was just fat. Turns out I was right the first time.

Found on Accordian Guy

Wednesday, September 03, 2008

First impressions

My first thought when I heard that john McCain chose a barely known woman to be his Vice Presidential canidate was that he had shot himself in the foot. I thought, my God does he really think that nominating a woman will really pull in votes from women who voted for H. Clinton but who aren't completely sold on Obama. I felt that even some Republicans will be turned off by his choice.

Tonight I got to see Alaska Governor Sarah Palin give her speech at the Republican National Convention and I was actually somewhat impressed. These are the things I noticed most.

People are more likely to cheer for negative comments than they are positive ones.

Republican women ARE hotter than Democratic women.
Sarah Palin

Geraldine Ferraro

This woman is Hippie who just happens to be a Republican. She has five children: sons Track (born 1989) and Trig (born 2008), and daughters Bristol (born 1990), Willow (born 1995), and Piper (born 2001). Holy Fuck what is up with those names? You would think she was married to Bruce Willis. Women are gonna eat that shit up. She is young (44) compared to Hillary (61), is independent, and you know she wouldn't put up with her husband cheating on her. She'd bury his ass under 6ft of ice in the middle of Nowhere, Alaska.

She is a decent speaker. Not great but decent.

She seems to be a reformer and for less government spending but don't they all.

Her small town charm is going to appeal to a LOT of people. She is the exact opposite of Obama. All that polish makes him seem too slick and that turns some people off.

She may really draw a few people toward the Republican Party. I know McCain is the candidate but Dude is old. Way old and we have to think that the VP may end up running the show. McCain may die and Obama may get shot. Not that he should but you know there are people out there that want to.

She does have executive experience. The other 3 have only been in Congress which can be hard but none of them have actually ran the show.

McCain came out at the end which apparently no one expected but I was not surprised by. Everyone keeps comparing him to Regan. I will give you this, he does look robotic.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Is having nothing to say better than saying nothing?

I have a couple fun posts to get up but not the time nor the energy to post them.

I even have the answer to the question asked in the comments of my last post.

But alas I just agreed to go across the street to play scrabble. I really need to keep my living room lights off. And park around the corner.

Any way last Thursday was my mom's 70th Birthday. Today was the only day we could all make it to dinner. We went to Sullivan's downtown. OH MY GOD!!!

I have been to the one in Naperville and everyone says the one in naperville is better but although the ambiance in naperville is a little nicer and the bathrooms aren't in Cleveland and the waitress are hotter out there, tonight's Filet is definitely in contention for the best steak I have ever had. This was the kind of steak where you take a bite and you have to put down your fork and savor every second as it glides across each and every taste bud in your mouth. I definitely recommend the Gorgonzola garlic butter. It really is a thick mess and they give you to much but scrape off all but enough to thinly cover the top of your steak and you'll be in heaven. The other contenders are The Filet As Big As My Heart from Morton's and The Filet from Ruth's Chris on their hotter than the Sun plates.

Service is great at Sullivan's also friendly fast, quite enjoyable. If you get the dark skinned waitress (Sue I think) with the English accent ask where she is from. The answer is Sri Lanka. That answer is worth a beer. I expect you to pass your winnings on to me.

Friday, July 18, 2008

Last seen driving a 2004 Pontiac Grand Prix

I have finally realized that there is a direct correlation between how many times I say I am not going to drink, I am going home, and how badly the night is going to end. From now on I will either just go home without saying a word or just accept my fate and start drinking. Because this trying to avoid my doom thing apparently just ensures it.

My night started out yesterday with me drinking to 2am and and being up to 4am talking when I had to be at work at 9am. I somehow make it to work and feel less than shitty, although I was in a crappy mood when I showed up and was kind of an ass to every one for about 30 minutes.

After that I was good but my patients were so stupid that I wasn't really sure that I wasn't on candid Camera.

So I go through 11 hours of hell and then get off 30 minutes late. And then I go to dinner with the matador. Which is always a bad idea unless I have the next 2 days off.

More to come but the synopsis is......

More underage women than you can shake a stick at, really strong drinks, two fucked up tabs, two bars, two girls, two alcoholics, a redneck, a rockstar, way too many drinks, way too many stories, me beating the Matador at bags, The rockstar getting pulled over by police, me getting pulled over by police, me realizing that it is not the police officers I know but the sheriff's dept asking me if I have been drinking, and me living to laugh and tell about it.

remind me to flesh this out.

Monday, June 23, 2008

And today the world is a lilttle less happy

George Carlin dies.

And we mourn the loss of someone who made us laugh.

Until we cried.

Sunday, June 08, 2008

24 hours

Is more than enough time to get into trouble. 24 hours ago I was sleeping which was quite merciful of our god. After going to sleep at 1am I woke at 7am to try to get monkey to the graduation party

you know what I am too drunk to write this shit.

Hopefully I will be better off tomorrow. I hope you wish me good sex because that will motivate me.

Monday, May 19, 2008


Because I still can't muster up the energy/focus/desire to write a real post, I will blabber.

Because my drinking friends are all occupied, I will stay home.

Because I am obsessed with SCRABBLE I will study, and play.

Because I hate boring slow moving activities, I will drink.

Because I have slept 2 hours in the past 30, this may be a bad idea.

Because I may wake up in Jersey, or Denver, or in your front yard, you should be prepared to lend me bus fare.

It's a good thing I can no longer get into Canada with out a passport.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

In Love I Tell You

So why am I posting at 2 o'clock in the morning?

Because I have fucked up my sleep schedule so badly that I am apparently not capable of sleeping for more than 4-5 hours at a time. But then I am of course dead tired after 6-8 hours and want to go back to sleep.

I fell asleep at about 9:30pm last night which is highly unusual but I just couldn't keep open my damn eyelids. I woke up at 12:30 in a complete panic. I think I was in the middle of a dream where I was at work and then suddenly I am in my bed in the middle of the night completely sure I was supposed to be at work. At first I thought the 12:30 on the clock meant I was and hour and a half late for work then the fact that is pitch black out side set in and I realized it was the middle of the night and I should go back to bed. I woke up an hour and a half later after one of the craziest dreams I have had or at least remembered in the longest time.

It starts and I am in someone's kitchen in North Carolina. I am with people that I know in the dream but don't think I have ever seen in real life. I am with two black women that I apparently know and are very good friend's with each other and we are sitting in the kitchen of a group of old white people that I apparently just met, how I don't know. We are apparently very comfortable with them.

We began playing cards. $30 was the apparent buy in which they collected and then announced that we would each be playing with $375 to start, but then instead of distributing chips they passed out cash. Now how my $30 became $375 I will never know. Must be some sort of water to wine thing.

So we are playing and betting insane amounts of money for the poor cards we are showing. I will be honest and tell you that I have no idea what game we were playing. It was definitely a form or poker. Possibly Night Baseball which is a form of 7 card stud where you don't get to look at your cards until it is time for you to turn them over. But we seemed to be playing with a ridiculous number of cards. I had bet $50 on my 2 sevens. Then it went around the table to one of the women I knew who then bet $300 on 3 or 4 of something and began taunting her friend who eventually folded and I was next. I had a lot of cards left but thought the chances of winning were poor and I folded. I then checked my cards to find that I had a queen high straight and a full house eights over sevens. I told you it was a recockulous number of cards.

Then one of the older gentlemen, the owner of the house I believe, regaled of us a tale of how he escaped a bear. The weird part was that I could see the entire scene as he was telling it. As if I could see into his brain or were watching it on TV while he narrated. It was very odd. He went up to a tent that had a sign outside. DANGER! BEAR So he went up to look inside and of course the bear lunged and tore through the tent and started chasing him with its rear two legs still tangled in the tent. And I'm pretty sure it was a polar bear. Do you think I watch to much LOST? I unfortunately cannot remember how he actually escaped the bear.

The next day I am leave their house to go for a walk and a mountain lion starts chasing me (I did say this was a bizarre dream) and I am able to some how out run the mountain lion until I get to a hunting lodge which is located about 300 ft up a on a platform. How I made it up the stairs with out being killed I don't know. I actually don't remember going up stairs, just that I was up in the air. So the lion bites my hand as I am outside the hunting lodge on a platform that surrounds the lodge. Now the lion for what ever reason bites and holds instead of repeatedly biting which what I assume a normal mountain lion would do. So my hand is stuck in it's mouth and I am screaming for help, crawling toward the door and it opens, and a guy with a shotgun is standing there. The mountain lion releases my hand and I crawl past the man into the lodge. He says something to the lion and it stares at him. He then repeats this command in spanish and the lion sits down and the man closes the door and comes inside. The two fingers that were stuck in the lion's mouth hurt like hell but are unscathed, as if they were in space between the lion's teeth.

I am then sitting on the floor with the park ranger (I'm assuming) and talking while I am rubbing my sore fingers. We are sitting in a part of the lodge that is apparently only seperated from the outside platform by a rope wall with very large spaces between the ropes and if I recall correctly it only went up about 3-4 feet and then it was open space. We are sitting here calmly talking while the mountain lion paces back and forth looking through these holes at us. I ask the ranger if the gun was loaded and he says no. I look for a reaction from the lion who apparently understands speech. Then I remember he only understand Spanish and I am no longer concerned.

Cut to several minutes later and I am sitting outside on the platform with a friend. I am currently not sure who this was but I think it was a friend of a friend from Hawaii. We are sitting there and out of the sky an object comes flying at us and impales into the aluminum wall of the lodge. It is a 2=3 ft long paper airplane made out of white cardboard, just thicker than poster board. Another one comes toward us but misses the lodge. There is nothing in the direction from which these came for miles and miles.

Fast forward again and another friend is on the platform with us. This I am pretty sure is my friend Bill from Hawaii. We are talking, he is standing and me and the person I think was Briam are sitting. Bill sees the hole in the wall and says what the hell happened. We look in the direction the plane came from and of course there is another airplane coming toward us. This one is broader winged and slower moving. Behind that we see one of the sleeker missile like planes coming up behind it and it knocks the first plane out of the sky. Behind that is another of the wide winged planes and another missile plane. This one misses the plane but comes right at us and we have to move to avoid it as it drives into the wall behind us. We look up and there are more missile planes. Some of them miss the lodge others hit their targets and others poke holes in the wall and remain sticking out of the wall.

The dream ends about this time. If you can tell me what this all means, by all means feel free.

I'm officially in love

With the Amateur Transplants

Friday, May 09, 2008

It's nice to know.....

That Chicagoan's aren't the only ones who hate their public transportation system.

Found by Accordian Guy.

Friday, April 25, 2008

hot chicks spitting on each other

Is the coolest search to lead people to my site this week.

The others are not quite as cool

Common Bar shot list
Mamy fuck

Have fun figuring that last one out. I am not even going to bother.

So....Finally some follow up

Not as good as you might expect.

There were a few drinks, some decent food, good conversation, but no sex.

I did get a phone call after she left telling me that she left so soon because if she stayed any longer she would have stayed all night... But her fiancee would have been mad so it is a good thing she left. I really am trying to stay away from women in relationships she just happens to be a friend.

So tomorrow I go looking for someone else to have sex with.

Wish me luck.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

And I Thought I Was LOST

OK, so is any one else sick and tired of Benjamin Linus. I sure am. I know the stories are interesting and even slightly suspenseful, but not nearly as much as before, but I can't take sitting on my couch yelling "Will someone just please shoot this guy already!" for one more second. Seriously already. I am reminded of people who call a radio show and tell the DJ/personality how horrible they are and how much the caller hates them, and the DJ/personality always has the same answer. Stop listening! That is how I feel. Even as addicted as I am, I am just about ready to stop watching this damn show. They pretty much started losing me after they started the flash forwards. The last episode I truly liked was the episode where Desmond goes to the boat and gets lost in time. Each episode since then has been less enthralling than the last. And the Micheal episode. What a waste of my time. I could have done without that all together.

Anyway that is my rant. I'm going to get ready to go out with a woman who I am pretty sure is still interested in getting naked with me.


Thursday, April 17, 2008

Last minute post

Hey, it is warm in chicagoland and you know what that means. Baseball. Cubs baseball. The only baseball in town. And I am going to the game. Went on Tues. They kicked ass I drank beer. Two games in one week. And I just realized that I can probably make it to tomorrow's game also. Woo Hoo.

I don't work until 9p on Fri. No beer at the game but it is still a cubs game. And I'm going to a wedding on Sat. The wedding. It is going to be the biggest party of the year. I wish I could fit into my blue suit. It is so much cooler than my grey one. Oh well shit happens. There is going to be so much alcohol there no will notice I am wearing a suit. Actually there will be so much alcohol there that I might not be wearing a suit by the end of the night.

Camera battery is dead, and the spare is truly dead- won't take a charge :(

So no pics of today's game but the camera will be ready to go on Sat. So expect some drunk photos. Of course I won't post them to Aug the way I am going but they will still be great.


Sunday, April 13, 2008

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

I hate.......

when the forcast is for rain and then there is none. I mean that is not to say that there was not a drizzle and that it did not feel good but I was really hoping for rain,.

I know that this will only make sense to the matador and I feel really bad that I am drunk posting and still insist on correcting my spelling. Which is the whole point of drunk post9ing. Which is just leaving shit like it is. But I keep back spacing and correcting shit.

OK so here is my shit sazns back spacing.

I went on my fist blingd dat e of my life and it was nto as bad ads I expected. She as cut e but I expected that .
Suave said she would be.
BVut she wazs also intelligent and laught at mey jok,es which is [4robably not intelligen t buyt it was good for me.

ad tehere was cissing at hte end of the date whish is the drizzle part

I amd a little intoxictted. i could type perfectly if you allowed my to type slowly and backspace byu ty we decide d not to correctanything.

I have to bea t work in 3 1/2 hours. this is not good. I am going to sign off and call teh cute nedw latina to see ifc see made it hoem alive.

Have aa big fat food day for mee


Thursday, April 03, 2008

What I did over spring break

What did I do this week? Well I already told you that Monday involved alcohol and pool but no fun. Tuesday I spent with monkey and had fun doing the most silly thing. Monkey is 15 so the fact that this kind of stuff still interests her delights me to no end.

We were having a discussion about which Disney characters are the best. Then we started arguing about which characters were sidekicks and which were babysitters. Then we decided to determine the best character NCAA championship style. So before we could fill in the brackets we had to decide what category they fell into and then narrow the field down to 64 characters. Yes this is how I spend my time.

The biggest arguments revolved around the sidekick babysitter dilemma. Babysitter? You say? What babysitters? That was my reaction until Monkey explained it. Some of the better examples are Zasu and Rafiki from Lion King. Important characters? Yes. Sidekicks? No. Babysitters? Yes. Genie from Alladin? Babysitter. I categorized him as a sidekick but Alladin’s real sidekick was Abu the monkey.

Our 4 categories were Heroes, Villains, Sidekicks (both evil and good), and Babysitters. Cool Dads became a sub-category of Babysitters. I didn’t think they rated until Monkey started listing them, The Sultan from Alladin, King Triton from Little Mermaid, King Charming from Cinderella, and my personal favorite The Dad from 101 Dalmations. I still haven’t looked up his name.

When deciding who would make the final 64 we had to determine how we would rate them. We came up with four categories of important traits. Coolness, Humor, Music, and Power. Music had ot be a category because of how important and pervasive music is in most of the Disney classics. So any character that has a solo gets more points and if they have a song about them, bonus points.

Monkey spent her day today eliminating the last 6 from the side kick category. The Hyenas, The Lost Boys, Little John and Friar Tuck were among the casualties. I am personally grieving the loss of the Hyenas.

She also made the brackets and apparently colored and put designs on the page. I get to see the final result today. I will try to get a picture of it up by tomorrow. If you vote for your favorite characters it may influence the judges.

Monkey made the brackets by matching up the first name on the list with the last name on the list within that category and moving toward the middle. Some of the cooler match-ups are Cinderella vs. Snow White, the Wicked Step Mother vs. Evil witch from Snow White, and Ursula (Witch from Little Mermaid) vs. Rattigan (from The Great Mouse Detective)

Today we started seeing who makes past the first round. I of course forgot to take a picture before we started filling in the second round but I will figure something out.

My question to you is…. Peter Pan or Robin Hood?

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

Yeah Whatever

Had a few drinks tonight. Not all that satisfying. Usually I drink to make the rest of my night easier and more enjoyable. Usually this involves chatting up some young lady. Not that there weren't young ladies to be had, but it was that they were all a bit too young. Even for me.

I did determine however that I am not all that a bad pool player while sober. The problem being that I usually have a good 2-4 drinks in me before I pick up a pool cue. If not 6-8 drinks. So I will have to try to play earlier in the evening if possible.

I wish I could regale you with some great drunken adventure but not tonight. Small possibility of something on Saturday and a better chance next Monday and an even better chance next Friday, but until then I bid you adieu.

Sunday, March 30, 2008


Don't you wish you could buy that on e-bay? I know I do.

I saw the movie "21" today. It was ok. I'd say rent it. You may actually like it. Especially if you haven't read the book Bringing Down The House. If you have read the book, I suggest you just re-read it, it will be more satisfying.

After the movie I played scrabble with monkey. She beat me by 3 points if you go by just raw score, but we're dorks and we play with a timer and there is a 10pt penalty for every minute you are over the allowed 25 minutes. She was over by 15 minutes, which very unlike her. Usually it is I, who am several minutes over. Afterwards she went to bed and I realized she was crying. She was upset because she wants to be "Good" at something. I tried to tell her she can't excel at something unless she puts time and effort into it, but I of course come off as a preaching dad and that is not how I want to be. She is borderline ADD just like me and that is a hard thing to overcome because it kind of fucks up any chance of any kind of routine because you can't do the same thing as yesterday if you can't remember yesterday or even think of yesterday.

I don't have much to say and typing is just kind of annoying right now so this is all you get.

PS- I hope they paid Kevin Spacey a lot of money for him to take such a small and non challenging role. He was certainly good at it, there just wasn't much to it.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Have you ever

Have you ever had a dream where you are in a place where there shouldn't be a an alarm clock, but there is an alarm clock. And it is going off. And you can't turn it off no matter how many buttons you push. BEEP BEEP BEEP And people are looking at you BEEP BEEP BEEP but you can't turn it off BEEP BEEP BEEP so you unplug it BEEP BEEP BEEP but keeps going so you BEEP BEEP BEEP yank out the batteries but it keeps BEEP BEEP BEEP going off so you throw the thing to BEEP BEEP BEEP the ground and BEEP BEEP BEEP stomp the shit out of it but it keeps going off and you are losing your mind?

It means your alarm is going off.


Saturday, March 15, 2008

Pouring myself a drink

I suggest you do the same

Well at least now I know

That I can withstand being tortured if it ever comes to that. I just finished watching Must Love Dogs. All the way through. Without shutting it off. Ok, I did get up at one point to take the DVD out of the player, but every man screams when they attach the jumper cables to his testicles. Unfortunately there is no timer on my piece of shit RCA DVD player because I wanted to see how far I made it through the movie. But as I was standing there about to eject the disk the movies one and only almost sex seen occurred and then Diane Lane was naked in the shower, and then there was a funny part, and then I was tired of standing so I sat back down on the couch, chich turned into laying on the couch, which turned into to me watching the end of the movie. Oh, my god that was a painful experience. Has there ever been more cheesy music in a movie. Or a more predictable plot. I know it was a chick flick and it is supposed to have a happy ending but come on already.

Speaking of chick flicks, I swear some woman broke in to my house got on my netflix account and ordered all these chick flicks. Four of the last five movies I have received were chick flicks. They are Must Love Dogs, The Notebook, The Holiday, and The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. That last one I would have ordered even if I hadn't turned into a chick at 2 in the morning and went hog wild on chick flicks. And technically it is a romantic comedy but it is the quirky kind of comedy I like. It really is worth watching. And thankfully Jim Carrey is not his normal slapstick annoying self.

Speaking of breaking into my apartment, about once every two weeks for the last two months I have found a window in my apartment open about an inch. Just enough to run my gas bills through the roof. And it is never the same window. Today it was my office window and almost nobody goes in there. It's quite dangerous actually. The stacks of papers and books have gotten so large they are starting to connect. I believe they are conspiring against me. Maybe they are opening the windows. Or maybe it is because I recently told a friend that although I believe in the possibility of ghosts I do not believe they can physically move things in our world.

Speaking of ghosts I was flipping channels the other day and seeing as I don't have cable that doesn't take very long. And I came across ghostbusters on the Spanish channel. They apparently love Bill Murray on the Spanish channel because I am always seeing one of his movies. Anyway it was the seen where Bill Murray shows up and Sigourney Weaver is already possessed. It is quite funny even in Spanish.

And speaking of aging comics, Billy Crystal played for the Yankees. The actual Yankees. But only for one day. Actually only one at bat. In spring training. But still it must have been pretty exciting. I hope it doesn't spawn a whole slew of entertainers trying to do the same thing.

And while I was at home on a Friday watching bad movies, The Matador was out picking up women. With my pick-up lines no less. It seems that Matador's luck at picking up women is the same as his luck at roulette in that it is inversely proportionate to my proximity of him. I'm like that guy in A Bronx Tale, not only do I have bad luck I am bad luck for those around me. How's that for a talent.

Well tomorrow should be a better day, and hopefully Matador's internet is down because we plan on going out tomorrow, that is unless he reads this and wises up.

Thursday, March 06, 2008

Written yesterday

I have been spectacularly cursed with the inability to focus. I have always been a little ADD but even then I would bounce around from things that interested me to things that interested me. And when I found something that REALLY interested me I would become so focused upon it that everything else would disappear. And if you wanted my attention you would have to yell my name or otherwise work hard to break my self imposed trance. But now there is no focus. I just spent the last hour wandering around a bookstore walking up and down multiple aisles multiple times. Normally I would walk around until I found a book I liked and read it until I was convinced I wanted it or it was time to go. Today I picked up multiple books all of them interesting but I couldn't read more than a couple of paragraphs before realizing I was no longer reading all the words.

I need someone to present me with a path and force me to take it. I am too old to join the army. And joining a cult because I don't tolerate bullshit very well. I want to start my own company, but the lack of start up funds is daunting and depressing.

Speaking of depressing, does anyone know who they are going to vote for for president? Hillary is the anti-christ and the only thing her winning will accomplish will be forcing me to move to Spain sooner. Obama seems promising, is energetic, and has the best marketing campaign, but does anyone know what he stands for? I think McCain knows what he is doing and can do a decent job if the democrats in congress don't impede him and he doesn't die in office. Everyone comes out of that office looking 20 years older and he is already 71. And who the fuck is going to be his running mate?

Huckabee? Sure he has the religious right in his corner but he's crazy. If McCain dies and leaves him in office he will make Bush look like a liberal.

Guliani? He is almost as old. Good guy but won't help the ticket. They could both die and leave the speaker of the house in charge.

Do you know another prominent republican?

Hey I'm looking for a career change! I won't help the vote much but I have health care experience. I am too honest for my own good. I am diplomatic. Love to travel, and love learning other languages. I probably wouldn't be bad at giving speeches either. May wanna keep me away from the press though given my history of exploding. (see yesterday's post) that's OK though because I know just the guy for press secretary.

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

WTF was that

Okay, so I had a nuclear meltdown at work today. It was way more unpleasant than I would have wanted it to be, but if you could control it it wouldn't be a meltdown. It was much worse than Matador's brief psychotic break last week. The head PA (physician assistant and I were going over my time sheet for last pay period because I accidentally singed in for the wrong shift on two days. I signed in as I worked nights when I had worked days. Then there was a discrepancy where I signed in two hours late but it turns out it was because I had worked the night before so it was approved. Then we get to the last two days of the month where I had come in an hour early one day because I had misread the schedule, and I was there and it was busy and I asked the doc if he wanted me to start early and he said yes. Then the next day I knew I wasn't scheduled at 8 but I showed up at 8 anyway because it worked out well the night before and I need the hours. Sure enough, when I got there it was busy and I helped clean out all the non-sense that was waiting for 2 hours.

Well it turns out they don't want to pay me for it. For hours worked. Hours where I was productive and made things run more smoothly. they bitch at me for being late so I am early and now I am penalized for it. Fuck that. I started to get mad and then this asshat with a title asks me what is wrong. BIG MISTAKE! There was yelling and screaming, and some damage done. Almost quit. Almost got fired. It is just the biggest bullshit ever. They have so many docs in that group now getting paid 3 times what I do for doing half the work, which increases my work load. Do I complain? Not really. I complain about how it effects the other docs in the group but I keep working hard. So what happens? I get shit on.

I am going to have to look into primal scream therapy. So I don't scream at work.


Sunday, March 02, 2008

LOST Spoilers, Beware

Yesterday I watched the 2 most recent episodes of LOST. I wish I could tout this as a review, but it is pretty much what everyone else has. Questions.


Locke is a relatively smart man why can he not keep his cool? Miles is a cool character but he's a greedy SOB ain't he? Why 3.2 million dollars? I expect a interesting answer to that one. Why is the professor dude losing his memory? They explain it a little in the next episode but this is different from the side effects that Desmond gets. I don't think Kate would have gotten off this easy, but the real question of course is Where is Claire and how did Kate end up with the baby? Even more importantly why won't Jack go see Aaron? My theory here is that Jack is somehow responsible for Claire being either killed or left behind. Monkey disagrees with this, but I can't see any other reason than Jack's guilt for his actions. Monkey thinks it is because Kate is lying and saying it is her baby but Jack had no problem lying on the stand.

The Constant

I hate time travel in movies/TV etc. This is because it can never be reconciled. They always do something in the past that they cannot account for in the future or present. There are dozens of movies like this, unfortunately the only one I can think of at the moment is The Lake House. How much of a mess is that movie? The only reasons I ended up seeing that movie was that I knew absolutely nothing of the plot and I have had a crush on Ms. Bullock for at least a decade.

That being said The Constant is one of the best episodes this season. Yes they fucked up the time thing because professor would have remembered Desmond. And all of a sudden writing shows up in his note book. Other than that great episode. Fills in a little more info on both Desmond and the professor. And now that Desmond has made contact with Penny he should be in full-on kick ass get back to the world mode. And this episode further cements Sayid as my favorite crash victim. He is probable tied with Desmond for favorite character. I don't understand why he traded his gun for the phone though. I guess he figures the few shots he has won't kill everybody and if they did how would he steer the damn ship.

Top Ten Favorite Movies

I was inspired by this and by Wil Wheaton and his post about movies he has recently seen.

It was hard to come up with just ten movies. Even ignoring tons of movies I love I still managed to have a list of 16 movies. So here are the first ten I wrote down on the list.

1. Aliens- The first Sci-Fi movie that really kicked my ass. At least since seeing Star Wars at age 7.

2. Goodfellas- By far the best mob movie of all time. And I love me a mob movie.

3. A Bronx Tale- Speaking of which, this is the only mob movie I have watched more than Goodfellas. And the only mob movie starring Robert DeNiro where he does not play a mobster.

4. For the Love of the Game- Some how The Natural doesn't do it for me the way this movie does. And yes it's part chick flick but there is way more than enough baseball in there to get a guy's testosterone up.

5. Fight Club- Speaking of testosterone. I just watched this movie again last week and during the first half I just kept saying to myself "Oh My God, I forgot what a great movie this is!" Yes I was drunk at the time but it's still a great movie.

6. Breakfast Club- I was 15 when I saw this movie and I had never identified with characters more.

7. Crash- As soon as this movie was over I went back the main menu and pushed play.

8. The Commitments- I will admit that it didn't move me as much the second time I saw it but still worthy of the list.

9. Full Metal Jacket- Platoon, may or may not be a better movie, but definitely not more quotable.

10. Hook- Because I am a guy and all guys secretly want to be Peter Pan.

Now if my friend's read this list the first thing they would want to know is, "Where the fuck is Ocean's Eleven?" Because it technically is still my favorite movie. And is, by far, the movie I have quoted most often in the last 7 years. But as I said I just was going to list the first 10 I wrote down on paper.

But now that we are here the other six are:

Run Lola Run- The best rarely seen movie

Remember the Titans- Yes I'm a softie. I guess I should list The Miracle here also.

The Shawshank Redemption- Not only one of my favorite movies but also one of the best movies of all time.

Stand By Me- Because we never have better friends than the friends we had when we were twelve.

The Patriot- You thought an epic Mel Gibson movie wasn't going to make the list? This one barely edged out Braveheart.

Feel free to leave me your list in the comments.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Another day without laundry

I am going to be one naked mother fucker if I don't do laundry soon. And I don't even plan on doing it myself. All I gotta do is sort it and drop it off at Spin Cycle, but no I can't even get my shit together enough to do that.

Well I stayed up all night watching American Gangster. I think I expected more but it was still a good flick. I would probably watch it again. I was partially distracted by the fact that my Sony DVD player won't play any of the discs in the GANGSTERS collection but my cheap ass Audiovox portable DVD player will. Fortunately I found the A/V cables and was able to watch it on my TV instead of the 10' screen. That would have really pissed me off. So Brother, or anyone else out there if you have a solution let me know so I don't have to return these damn things. I am not even sure they will take them back now that they are opened.

So I gotta get my self to work so this is all you get. Adios.


I just bought this....

I guess I'm not getting sleep tonight.

Last Friday

It is not unusual for me to wake up feeling like I have been hit by a truck. It is unusual however for that feeling to go away after I get out of bed. This is probably the best feeling I have had in the morning for a difficult to remember how long time. Having a good evening last night may have something to do with it. That and drink at a pace of less than 4-5 drinks an hour helps too.

Shaft and wife met me out for dinner last night. I haven’t seen either of them since I lost my money playing poker at Shaft’s 2 months ago. Shaft’s wife (SW) is good and pregnant. 5 ½ months I believe. Which means she wasn’t drinking. Which means she was a lot less animated or interested than usual.

I also invited a woman I will call Belisima. Belisima and I work together. Danger sign #1. When I met her she told me she is going through a divorce. Danger sign #2. Upon further discussion it appears that she has told her husband she wants a divorce but there are no lawyers or papers or final dates or any of that good stuff. Red Flags #3, 4, 5, etc. But does this stop me from inviting her to dinner last night. No, of course not. Yet again our hero goes running head first in the waiting jaws of a giant alligator.

So I make reservations for 6pm at N9NE Steakhouse. I spell it that way because they do. I have been wanting to go to this place for years and I was looking for a hip energetic place and this seemed like a good idea. I leave the house at 5:45 after waiting for 20 damn minutes for a cab. I called them back and they didn’t even have anyone on the way. So I jumped my ass into my car to discover I was riding on fumes so already late I stop at a gas station so I don’t have explain why my stupid ass is sitting on the side of the road out of gas a mile from the restaurant. I make it there by 6:10. I am the first to arrive. Belisima got stuck in traffic and arrived 2 min after I did. Shaft hadn’t even left the house yet when I had talked to him at 5 minutes to six. Imaginee that, the procrastination king being the first to arrive. All hail the king.

Nine has a really cool design and I love the round center bar. We drink, we talk, we flirt, we wait for Shaft and co. to show up. They do. Close to 7pm. We close out our bar tab and move to our table. $32 for 4 drinks. It’s gonna be a rough night on the wallet. Could be worse. Could be Miami.

It’s a steakhouse so I order the 12oz filet. I avoided the 16oz bone-in filet because I wasn’t sure if the extra 4ox I would be paying for was the bone or not. And I had been stuffing my face with bread and was ordering the ceasar salad. The only thing worse than getting a bad steak is getting a good steak and not being able to finish it. Not that I would let happen, but I certainly did not want to be so engorged that I was lethargic or uncomfortable. I was technically on a date you know. Speaking of my date, she had mentioned that she was going to get the lobster tail, but when she did Shaft made some comment like watch out she has expensive taste, or some such. I really didn’t hear it and didn’t pay much attention to it but when the ordering came she ordered the lobster risotto. I am not sure if she had truly changed her mind or if she ordered it because it was cheaper. I had already surrendered my menu and I didn’t know she had ordered the risotto until our waiter had vanished. The waiters at Nine wear white blazer so as Shaft stated, “you know they don’t do any real work”. He pretty much was only responsible for taking our order and making sure we had plenty of drinks to ensure that we didn’t think tipping 20% on a zillion dollar bill was a bad idea. There were apparently about 4 other servers assigned to our table to bring our food, take our empty plates, and to keep our waiter’s jacket clean.

The steak was good. I tried some of Shaft’s steak and the flavor was good but I still love the melt in your mouth buttery goodness of the filet. I never did taste any of Belisima’s risotto. She said it was good. I hope so. I really would prefer my date to order something more expensive to ensure that she had a good meal. My love of good food is way stronger than my love of money. Obviously, or my waist would be thinner and my savings would be fatter.

Shaft and I are apparently like little school girls because we spent half the time talking and joking with each other, ignoring the women at the table. But I am not the kind of guy who shows up with a date and then ignores his friends. That kind of shit pisses me off. Belisima seemed to be having fun watching us two fools act up.

I expected Shaft’s Wife to be all over Belisima like Barbara Walter’s on a prime time special. Where do you work, how do you know Dave, how long have you been banging him, etc. I don’t know if it was the pregnancy making her tired or the lack of alcohol keeping her conservative, but it turned out to be Shaft who asked all the questions. When he asked who she lived with I felt a definite decrease of oxygen in the room but I don’t think Shaft or wife noticed for the brief seconds before she said me and my kids. She has two, 6 and 3. Shaft gave me shit saying that it must be hard to put up with my shit at work.

Then came the piece de resistance of dinner. Dessert. I had this banana ice cream cake that I swear made me come a little. SW ordered the same thing and seemed to be having a few orgasmic moments of her own. Belisima ordered some small choclate cake something or other and I cannot for the life of me remember what shaft ordered. But we were all a little weak kneed after the experience.

The only flaw in the service the entire night was that it took them forever to bring the check after we finished dessert. That and I ordered ice wine with my dessert but never received it. I still haven’t checked the bill to see if I got charged for it or not. Bastards.

Shaft and wife called it a day and Belisima and I moved to the bar. I ordered another drink, Belisima did not. I wanted to go up stairs to ghost bar but there was a private party and we had to wait 20-30 minutes before we could go up. It was about 9:40 at this point and B originally said she had to leave by 10pm. She said she would wait. 40 min and 2 drinks later we went up stairs. I have to admit the coolest thing about ghost bar is it’s logo. Everything else was a complete disappointment. The upstairs was exactly was the same as the down. Somehow I figured, different name, different d├ęcor. No such luck. The was an area of the bar where you could look down on the restaurant that was cool but not unique by any means. The did have some lights in the ceiling pointed at the wall and were shaded by what appeared to be old time black and white pictures on film so that they were projected onto the wall. But some of them were bent or not positioned properly so the picture was shortened or barely visible.

We talked for almost 3 hours. About this, about that, about music, about her favorite song. And soon after mentioning it, Low came on, and she came to life. This was the high point of my night. It is the closest I have ever come to getting a lap dance from a girl I know. I was gonna say dating but I don’t even know if we’ve hit that level yet. But it was hot. I swear if I smiled any bigger the rest of me would have disappeared like the Cheshire cat. I wanted to look around the room to see if anyone else noticed but I refused to break eye contact on the chance it might end. I am now in love with that song and officially in lust with that girl. To say the least the next thing on the agenda is to take her dancing.

We talked some more and the waitress would come back every thirty minutes or so to ask if I wanted another drink. I think that is the first time in my life that didn’t piss me off. I am usually looking for the waitress after 13 minutes. That night I didn’t even notice. They closed at 12:30 because the crowd was thinning and there were no new customers coming in. I told Belisima she was a cute pumpkin, seeing as she had missed her self imposed curfew.

Upon leaving we struck up a conversation with a gay hair dresser and Belisima and I got hit on by the same 47 year old woman.

At some point I remembered that I had my camera and had not gotten pictures of Shaft, his wife and peanut their expectant child. So I took pictures of me and Belisima. It wasn’t until I saw those pictures on her camera that I realized that she was too pretty for me.

So I had to give her a mustache.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Jimmy Answers

"If you take from me something I love expect me to take from you something you love."

And in case there wasn't enough fucking go on....

She's Fucking Seth Rogen

Friday, February 22, 2008

Aren't you glad that everyone doesn't break up like this

She was a raging bitch in School of Rock but I still love Sarah Silverman

Even if she is fucking Matt Damon

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Lazy Bastard Strikes Again

Slept till 3pm. Have done very little since. Gonna jump in the shower and head over to Momma's place. The folks are getting old enough that they need someone else to change lightbulbs for them. I don't mind, it is way better than the thought of them up on a chair or a ladder. Can you spell disaster?

On a happier note, I have a date on Friday. With a technically married woman. Eek! We'll see how that plays out.

Hot Latina called and left a message yesterday apologizing for being a bad friend. It sounded like she was almost crying. I can't figure out if she is apologizing for the incident or for avoiding me since.

I am listening to Me & Mr. Jones and it includes the line "What kind of fuckery is this". I am in love.

I haven't found my slump buster yet but it seems things are looking up, but not quite as up as I hoped. In addition to Married Latina, and Hot Latina who is an emotional and issue filled wreck, I am pretty sure that the 20 year old cute-as-a-button Irish girl at work was flirting with me and mentioned she only dates older men. I am not sure if she realizes that her last older man is 10 years younger than I am.

I really got to get the Fuck out of dodge. I do promise to write at least something about Vegas in the next few days. I really need a laptop so I can take it with me on these misadventures.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008


From Blood and Thunder

1) Are you currently in a serious relationship?
No. But I am looking for just the relationship part.

2) What was your dream growing up?
To be a lawyer. Or to rule the world.

3) What talent do you wish you had?
To be able to sing. Or anything musical for that matter, but singing would be on the top of the list

4) What do you think of Valentine’s Day?
Commercial Hogwash. But one of the two days of the year you are guaranteed to get laid if you are married, and don't fuck it up by making dinner reservations at the last minute.

5) Favorite vegetable?
Green beans. Boring I know

6) What was the last book you read?
Finished? The two books I am in the middle of right now are Hocus Potus and I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell.

7) What zodiac sign are you?
Evil Scorpio

8) Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? Explain where.
Nope. The first thing the cops ask is did he have any indentifying marks or tatoos

9) Worst Habit?
Tardiness. Later than your last girlfriend's period, always.

10) If you saw me walking down the street would you offer me a ride?
Are you hot?

11) What is your favorite physical activity? To partake of? (The mind-in-gutter response is obvious enough, thanks. So, your second favorite, please.)
Jogging, unless watching porn or playing scrabble are considered physical activity

12) Do you have an Optimistic attitude?
I am 49% optimist

13) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
Are you hot? Seriously I would probably just make almost funny comment to distract me.

14) Worst thing to ever happen to you?
Divorce by far. It is like being in a plane crash and living.

15) Tell me one weird fact about you.
How do I pick that one from all the others?

16) Do you have any pets?
There is something growing in my refridgerator but I don't think that counts.

17) Best thing to ever happen to you?
My daughter

18) What was your first impression of me?

19) Best Habit?
I think I am too ADD to have any habits

20) If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
I'd grow some damn hair.

21) Would you be my co-designer, tester, or sock eater? Some combination?
Was I just sexually propositioned?

22) What color eyes do you have?
Green. ish.

23) Ever been arrested?
Yep. Sorry you only get that one question.

24) Bottle or can soda?

25) If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it?
Fix my car pay down debt and put away the rest for a down payment.

27) What’s your favorite place to hang at?
Wrigley Field

28) Do you seriously believe we need more cowbell?
Can it be any other way?

29) Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
Scrabble. (We're ignoring that mind in the gutter thing again, right?)

30) What about your computer bothers you?
It is too damn slow

31) Craziest idea you’ve been entertaining the past few weeks?
Going to Spain despite the fact that I am rat ass broke.

32) If a genie would grant you a wish, but the genie granting you this wish only listened to the first word out of your mouth, what would that word be?
Love. I figure that won't get me killed or disfigured.

33) Romance? Interesting idea? Dated (haha) concept?
It works for Hallmark

34) If you could live anywhere in the world where would you chose?
An island. Populated by My chosen people.

35) What do you like more/find cute/friendly about your computer?
It's my best friend. Who wrote this shit?

36) Will you repost this so others can fill it out for you?
People barely read this blog. What are the chances they will interact?

Feel free to prove me wrong and fill it out in the comments?

Sunday, February 17, 2008

I'm torn

Between "about time" and "you gotta be fucking kidding me"

I first saw this picture on tony's site and just assumed it was just a picture.

Not a real fucking car.

The James Bond in every living male cries out for this but seriously are you going to spend $400,000 or more just to impress a girl. Because really what else are you going to use it for, you certainly aren't running from spies. The IRS maybe but not spies. And let's face if you have enough money to drop 400k on a car, she's already impressed. If you drive her home in anything better than a Pontiac Grand Prix, she's putting out.


But cool car though. Can I drive it? Or at least go live at that guys house? I am sure it is big enough that he won't find me for months. I'll just pay the staff $50 a week and they wont rat me out.

Saturday, February 16, 2008

Here we go

Written on Feb. 4 but cab showed up before I could get the pics up. Expect the next few posts to be out of chronological order.

Leave for Vegas in 3 hours. Would be a little more pumped if I wasn't so hung the fuck over. Yesterday was The Matador's birthday and we have been celebrating since Sat night.

Last night there was drinking, football, drinking, joking around, drinking, hot chicks and more drinking.

I gotta call a cab so I will leave you with pictures.

Two cuties

Tricked into

smelling Matt's armpit

Amyl Nitrate and her crash helmet- we make her wear it after 3 beers

Matador in honor of turning 30 retires his nipple ring and then shows his ringless nipples to the world

Drunk Matador

Really Drunk Matador

PS- That's his roomate's floor.

Out of the mouths of Babes

Ain't that the truth.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

18 min before I am late for work

Which means no shower for me. Disfortunadamente, the chances of anyone smelling my crotch are slim to none so the washing up of my upper body earlier in the day will suffice.

Happy VD to any one who wants it.

Didn't win the lotto.

Didn't write about my trip to Vegas or even come close to putting pics from Vegas on the comp.

Didn't smack Matador hard enough for not keeping in Vegas what happened in Vegas. Sure I plan on telling the whole damn world about it on this blog but not anyone I know personally.

Did buy Monkey a V-Day card but her G-mom kidnapped her and I didn't even get to see her today.

Didn't mail off the renewal form for my license. Part of me hopes it doesn't go through so I can have a few days off. Of course this means I won't be able to pay my bills and I'll get evicted and have to live on your couch. But I'm sure worse things have happened to both of us.

I have Windows media player on shuffle and it just went from Johnny Cash to Gypsy Kings. Nice.

I hope to have a good weekend.

I hope to work out tomorrow.

I hope to feel better.

I hope to be able to beat the shit out of someone without repercussions.

I hope someone other than me reads this.

I hope I have time to stop for food.

Eight min to go.

Saturday, February 02, 2008

In the meantime...

I have written half a post but currently have lost interest in posting it. I am off the weekend so I should get it out there before I leave for VEGASS on monday.

In the meantime enjoy this hilarious post. I hope to be at least half this drunk all the time in Vegas.

I am off to drink a beer and watch a bad movie.


Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Has anyone who said that the new Illinois smoking ban would make them quit actually quit smoking

I'm going with no.

Not one.

Here is what someone has to say about what changes will happen

I have pontificated plenty to my friends who don't care about what I think about the ban and may have actually written about it here but it is 4am as I write this and I ain't going to look.

I hate smoking. With a passion. Hotter than a thousand suns. But I also have a brain. And this brain tells me that letting the government infringe on people's choices, no matter how stupid, is BAD FUCKING NEWS!

Don't give me the it protects bar and restaurant employees. They choose to work in these establishments if they don't like it get a real job.

I like to drink. And I like to drink in bars. Most of which are smoky. If you say out long enough to make it to the four o'clock bars they are real smoky. Price of doing business. I expect to smell like an ashtray the next day. If all goes well I will be pulling on my shirt in some beautifully exotic woman's apartment the next morning thinking "God I smell bad, what a great night"

So tell the government to stay the fuck out of my social life. Next thing you know they will institute a 4 drink maximum at all bars and restaurants. The only thing that will accomplish is getting guys like me to consume a 1/2 bottle plus of SoCo before even leaving the house. That'll produce some fun results believe you me.

First they came for the Communists,
and I didn’t speak up,
because I wasn’t a Communist.
Then they came for the Jews,
and I didn’t speak up,
because I wasn’t a Jew.
Then they came for the Catholics,
and I didn’t speak up,
because I was a Protestant.
Then they came for me,
and by that time there was no one
left to speak up for me.