Tuesday, April 10, 2007

48 hours of Hell-o-matic

48 hours. Seems like a week! 48 hours ago I was at work, after working a night shift the night before and getting only 4 hours of sleep. Easter. Yeah, Hoppy Easter to you too. Why people go to the ER on a holiday I will never know. Actually about half of the people I saw needed to be there which is a higher percentage than usual. Who brings their kids to an ER for a runny nose on Easter? Hell who brings their kids to an ER for a runny nose? Everyone, apparently. Trust me I see more coughs and runny noses than almost anything else. What really kicked my ass on Sunday was the lacerations. I actually enjoy suturing but it is crazy time consuming. Especially the cosmetic stuff. I put 30 stitches into a kid who got bit by his St. Bernard. He somehow thought it was a good idea to try and play with the dog while he was fighting with his other dog over food. The two things you never do are approach a dog while it is eating or fighting. Why no one saw the combination as a disaster waiting to happen is beyond me.

So I work. And finish working. The plan was then to go see Bartender Megs and meet Matador and Ab-o-rama at the local dive. And drink diet coke. Yes you heard me right. The plan was diet coke. Some one remind to stick with the plan next time. Please.

I order a SoCo and diet. (Bachelor Party in Miami in July, gotta bring my A game) It tastes like ass. Why does bar diet always taste like ass. And not good ass either. Drink #2 is SoCo and coke. Also tastes like ass. Apparently the CO2 cylinder needs to be changed or something and Megs is too lazy to do this. Which she admits happily. Some where around drink #5 she get her boyfriend Musclebound Joe to change the cylinder. For which I thank him heartily. I then procede to invite him on the Miami leg of the World Drinking tour. Why I am telling this engaged man about all the beautiful women in Miami in front of his fiancee (she was too far to hear. I think)I have no idea. Matador and I had already invited Megs and Musclebound Joe to Pamplona Spain. We are going July 2008, the trains a loading, all aboard. So I talk to Musclebound Joe, I drink, I talk to Matador, I drink, I talk to Ab-o-rama, I drink, I talk to Juggs (guess why she gets that name? They are purchased and she feels the need to tell everyone that as soon as she meets them), I drink. This is where things really go south. She starts talking about Red. I talked about the breakup a little last post but to recap. I dumped her because she was acting shady. Avoiding me. Going to the bar when she said she was going home. Shit like that. I thought she might be cheating but I had no definite proof and I didn't really want to know. The problem is we hang around with all the same people so as soon as we broke up all this information. I had already heard that Red slept with Shithead at Juggs party. While I was in London.

So anyway, I am talking to Juggs and she says "Can I ask you a question?" And I know the correct answer to this is NO! because it is always something you don't want to hear. I consider this breifly and then say "sure". "When you slept with Red did you always use a condom?" Not what I really wanted to hear. One of the reasons I was drinking like an idiot was that I had seen red out a couple times last week because of Ab-o-rama's weeklong B-day celebration. Now the downward spiral begins. I have a couple more drinks. Megs calls last call and pours me a drink without asking. Which is what I would want her to do. Then we go to Matador and Ab-o-rama's place, which is right across the street from work. They are roommates, not a couple. We pour drinks and I start talking to Aborama about Red. They are friends and hang out a lot. This is a mistake. She starts telling me things I don't want to know. I say don't cook me food I am go to sleep at the hospital, and walk into the bathroom. When I get out I lay down on the couch and Aborama says are you leaving or staying. I say staying. So she opens up something different and cooks me some delish chinese food. At least I think it was Chinese. ish.
Matador gets a call from possibly future baby's momma. Abs and I go into Matador's room to watch How I met your Mother on DVD. Rent, no, buy this and watch it. It is the most addicting comedy on TV right now. We are watching this laughing and I am trying hard not to talk about Red. But there is a subplot in the show about this guy who is love with one of his female friends but can't have her. I can't take this and I leave. I am such a Ted.

I go to the hospital to sleep. It is not until I get there that I realise (British spelling I know. I am also really fond of behaviour) it is 3:30am and I have to start work at 7. I call down to the secretary, who is an idiot, and ask him to call me in the call room at 6:30. I give him the extension. Which he repeats back to me, wrong. I give it to him again and this time he repeats correctly. But never calls me. I sleep through the alarm until 8:20. So I get down stairs and change into scrubs and am in the ER by 8:30. To find out I am working with my boss. Oh, Joy. He says nothing but I know he is pissed. Luckily it wasn't to busy, so he wasn't getting killed, but still an hour an half by your self ehn you are supposed to have help kind of sucks. The first couple of hours kind of suck. I am a little hung over but crazy tired. I haven't mentioned it. My dad is in the hospital after emergency surgery last Wed. He is doing better. I call him from work and he sounds great. He talks more than I heard him say in 3 days. Unfortunately I am at work and wanted to get him off the phone. I talk to my mom and make plans to pick her up and take her to the hospital after work. I get off an hour late. Traffic sucks. I don't get to the hospital until 7p. My dad is dissappointed because he wanted me to see him walk. Which is big because he couldn't even get out of bed for the first three days. He did make iti to the bathroom while I was there in case you care. How I met your mother was on TV while I was there so that was cool.

On my way from work to the hospital I kept doing the "I'm not sleeping" head jerk and tried desperately not to hit the car in front of me or drift into the next lane. Even when I first got there I was pretty sleepy but after talking and watching TV 8:45 rolls around and I am suddenly wide awake. Working nights has so fucked me up that even when I don't work nights 9pm shows up and BAM! I'm ready to go.

Earlier in the evening Hottie sent me a text message that she was at work to night. So I sent Matador a text saying Hottie is at Bella's. Where are you sexypants Yes I called another man sexypants. It came to me in the moment. Don't tell anyone. I am not going to. So a half hour goes by and I think of calling him when I remember that he is at work. I consider shaving and getting ready to go out but my plans for the year include Hawaii, Miami, and buying a condo. Which means saving money. Which means not drinking. Which means I need a new hobby. Anyway I figure Matador won't get off till 11:30 and he won't want to come in to the City.

I was wrong. 11:43 the messages start. u r just mean. that's what friends are for R U at Bellas now. No, can't fly without my wingman What time do you work tomorrow? Wednesday See you in 40. Suit up.

I did. Not in a suit but I was looking sexy. I was going to have a drink a home but pre-medicating, even going out so late, just means I would get even more loaded and spend even more money. Matador shows up and we bee-line it to Bella's. We end up parking 2 1/2 blocks away but we figure that is just more sobering up time before we get back into the car. Taking a cab was out because it was 1am and the allotted time was dwindling. That and it was fucking cold out.

We get into Bella's to see Hottie's smiling face. She was only one of two women in the entire bar. Which was fine because talking with Heather is one of my favorite pastimes. We laugh, we joke, we drink. Hottie had given us 2 strong drinks and a shot, and we noticed that the bar back was covering the alcohol and Heather was pouring a shot for the entire bar. Our drinks were empty so I asked if we missed call. She said honey, last call was before you even walked in the door. I smiled and said then I guess we did ok. We looked at our tab which was $8 for 4 drinks and 2 shots. I guess we did more than ok. The barback grabs our glasses presumably to wash them when he says what were you drinking again? Sweet. We drink the second round of complimentary shots, as he puts our refreshed drinks on the bar. 4 shots 6 drinks 8 dollars. We tip 12.

Then we go next door. We invited Heather who said she would show after closing up. She tells us that Batman is bartending next door and if we say we are with Heather we will get hooked up. We enter the pub and there is no bartender. We wait we look around. There is a drunk guy in a cubs shirt havering to a woman at one end of the bar and two girls at the other end, one of which is making out with a guy too short to get a girl that cute. Another minute goes by and a guy walks behind the bar. Makeout guy. "Are you Batman?" We ask in unison. He looks at us crossed eyed and says yes. We explain the Heather Connection and we get drinks. We joke around with him for a whiel then he goes back to girlfriend/girl he picked up today, were not sure which.

Heather shows. Brings a guy friend who is restaurant manager at the W. He is forgiven for having a cock. We drink, we joke we do shots. Bartender disappears. Also missing is makeout chick. For several minutes. Then Cubs shirt goes looking for him. Makeout chick's friend cuts him off before he can make it to the back room. Cubs shirt calls out his name but sits down. Matt remarks how the friend is a good wingman and wants to go talk to her. Hottie says don't do it. She was just protecting her friend don't go talk to her. Matador thanks Hottie for being a good wing man. Batman shows up a few minutes later. The conversation about wing men leads to Hottie agreeing to be our wing man on further adventures. Excellent. We get our bill, we ordered a total of 7 drinks and 5 shots. Bill: $24. Hottie connection: Priceless. We tip $20 and call it a day. We hope he remembers us. If not we just have to say remember the time you banged that chick in the back room while working?

And of course no stop on the World Drinking Tour would be complete without stupid pictures.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

No comments: