Monday, August 10, 2009
One Banana Two Banana Three Banana Four
Do you ever feel like your life is a Banana Splits Episode. I feel like that more and more. The one of those crazy faced guys chasing around other crazy face guys and it never really stops unless it's time to ride the slide.
I dislocated my shoulder yesterday. Falling down the stairs is the party line, and you aren't going to hear anything else unless you know the password. Told this story to a way cute lady I'm infatuated with. She knows the password but I'm waiting until she is close enough to whisper it in my ear.
So now I am in mild to moderate constant pain with the occasional sharp fuck you if I move the wrong way. But the worst part is I am strapped into this modern torture device called a shoulder immobilizer. I now have even more sympathy for my friend with quadriplegia, he can still walk but is weak in his left leg and has no use of his left arm. Or maybe it's his right arm. It escapes me at the moment. Anyway loss of the use of your dominant hand his a huge pain in the arse. And so is doing anything you normally do on a regular basis. Like put on a shirt, or pull up your pants. Brushing your teeth with your non-dominant hand is odd, wiping your ass with your non-dominant hand is downright surreal.
I'm going to miss 2 possibly 3 days of work because of this nonsense. That is a significant amount of money to lose, especially when due to recent extra expenses I am pretty much running on fumes as far as money goes.
I want a woman who is both sexy and smart. Who doesn't write due when she means do. who doesn't abbreviate and use aolspeak everytime she texts. Who gets it when I make an obscure reference or use a word they did teach you in grade school. But who can still wear sexy dresses and high heals and can pull off those sexy short shorts when the moment calls for it. I am sure there is a hot 25-35 yo woman out there with an IQ over 110 with ambition and drive and a wry sense of humor who is looking for a slowly balding cough *almost forty* guy with a gut who wields sarcasm the way Harrison Ford wields a whip, who is not afraid to grab the bull by the horns even if it means ending up in a shoulder immobilizer.
I'm starving and because the two women I am almost dating just got back into town and are taking care of their families instead of taking care of me I think I will go find food and solace with my friendly neighborhood bartender.
Go say hi to tony, because he is still the best writer out there. And say congrats to Sass on her new job.