Some Wednesdays Aren't That Bad

Last Wednesday my friend The Matador had plans to go out. I had worked the night before and slept at the hospital to avoid morning rush hour. The plan was to wake up at 11am and go home to clean my damn house before Matador came over. No such luck. I woke up around 2p when Matador called to see if I was still for going out. I was. I always am. I have determined that I have the world’s most twistable arm.

It all worked out for Matador because now he had a ride in from Joliet, IL. After a quick shower and shave at the hospital, and a beer at Mat’s house we were on our way. Matador insisted we stop at Dunkin Donuts for the required coffee and donuts. Our bill came to $6.66. Quite the omen for the evening.

We made it to my place uneventfully, which was good because later we found out that we had missed an accident on the Expressway by mere minutes. It was Pizza and Drinks at my place before heading out to Bella’s, where we were greeted by my friend, and sexy bartender who we will call Hottie.



Hottie, as always, was pouring wickedly strong drinks, and instructed the other bartender to do the same. Which he did in spades. Bella’s is usually teeming with scantily clad women, but apparently the fact that it was 2 degrees outside deterred them from enjoying our company, because it was an absolute sausage fest. Aside from the beautiful heather, there was only one other woman who was tucked off into the corner with her boyfriend. A little later two semi-attractive women came in for a drink. A drink. Literally. Only one, and then they left. How goes out for only A Drink? In the cold no less. Another mystery of the universe. Luckily for us another pair of women entered and sat down across from us. One of which bummed a cigarette from Matador. A few minutes later I think I was talking to Hottie and then looked back at Matador to discover that he was on the other side of the bar engaging in conversation with his new friends. I gave him the obligatory two minutes and then approached asking “Is this guy causing trouble?” They instantly jumped to his defense. Wow, that didn’t take long. He was over there 3 minutes and they already adopted him as one of there own. After a quick trip to the facilities (yes I washed my hands after) I returned and built up a rapport with one of the women. Who we will call work out chick because she refused to take her hair down because she had just come from the gym. We’ll call the blond girl Doppleganger because she looks like a girl Matador and I work with. A little taller and a little cuter but pretty close.




Needless to say we charmed them. Not out of their pants but that’s okay I like a little build up to the main event. We acquired their numbers, despite the fact that doppelganger has a boyfriend. Who Workout girl doesn’t seem to like much. And Doppelganger may not like too much either if she is handing out her number.

At about midnight I blinked and Doppleganger had her coat and gloves on saying let’s go. What are you going to turn into a pumpkin? But they left. Which didn’t stop Matador and I from continuing to drink. And engage other people in the bar. A couple from Iowa of all places had made the mistake of sitting down next to us . The girl was cute and I was drunk so I spent a good 30-60 minutes talking to them.


After they left, I somehow thought it was a good idea to go to another bar. I was apparently not convinced I was drunk, but after just one drink at bar #2 I was convinced. So we left, but not before Matt went up to one the girls in the bar and said “Yours vewy bootisfuss” Or some other very slurred version of you’re very beautiful. Score one for the Matador

Then we got pizza. Because what drunken adventure is complete without going out for food with a fat and grease content that is not truly measurable during daylight hours.

Can anything go right?

I am pissed off again because I ordered a DVD storage cabinet and was very happy about this purchase and have waited 8 days for it to arrive. It's here. Most of it anyway. The box was a bit mangled when I got it, but I opened it up and every thing seemed to be unscathed. Even the glass for the doors was intact. I started putting it together right away because we all like to play with our new toys. Step 1 went fabulously. Step 2 however, not so much. Step 2 involves putting hinges on the doors. And that would be all fine and dandy if I had all 4 hinges. But no, again fate has conspired against me and there was only 1 hinge in the package. Nice. So now I have to wait until they respond to my email to see if they can send me more hinges. If they try to get me to send back the whole thing I will scream. The box is unuseable and I am not paying to send this thing back.

This is what it would look like if I could put it together.

Written two days ago posted now

I am tired and depressed. IT is 1:39am and I am typing here for no apparent reason other than I feel this urge to stay up as long as possible to make my self late for work in the morning. To make me feel worse and do less. I really want to turn my life around but it is harder than one may expect. I want to find my list of goals for 2006 to see if I accomplished them.

I found the list from 2006. The goals in bold are the ones I actually accomplished.

Post almost daily (At least I am realistic)
Post before reading other blogs (an activity that somehow sucks up at least 2 hours of my day)
Manage my money better (this involves 2 things)
Pay attention to where my money goes
Stop spending money on stupid things i.e.-$6+ drinks and fast food
Put money away towards a house/condo/permanent residence –a little anyway
Spend less on rent
Take at least one vacation –Hawaii, and Vegas
Take one road trip –New York to see Whatsername
Go to at least 2 major league baseball stadiums that I have not previously seen
Organize
Everything
Keep it organized
Buy a file cabinet –a small one but a file cabinet none the less
Study spanish at least once a week
Speak in Spanish to a native speaker for 1 hour once a week
Get my teeth fixed
Exercise 3 times a week
Run the Shamrock Shuffle
Run at least 3 5k races
Make it to Hawaii for That Drunk Girl's Birthday (Didn’t make it for the birthday)
Make love to someone I actually care about –She dumped me a month ago. Woo Hoo ain't life grand
Copy my posts (or type them somewhere else first) before damning them to the internet

Seven out of twenty three. Not even one-third. Better luck next year. I will add the unaccomplished ones to this years list to see if I leave them unaccomplished two years in a row.

Here are some goals for 2007:

Lose 40lbs of fat.
Gain 10lbs. of muscle.
Travel to 1 foreign country (already planned-London)
Make it to Hawaii for Amen’s birthday
Do things on time.
Be on time for work every day

Buy a house
Find if not buy an investment property

Start a side business.
Fix my teeth.
Go to the Dr.
Treat my depression, hairloss and bladder problem
Be organized.
Buy David and Jen something nice for their wedding.
Be more involved with Becca

Will still try to accomplish these:

Post almost daily (At least I am realistic)
Post before reading other blogs (an activity that somehow sucks up at least 2 hours of my day)
Manage my money better (this involves 2 things)
Pay attention to where my money goes
Stop spending money on stupid things i.e.-$6+ drinks and fast food
Go to at least 2 major league baseball stadiums that I have not previously seen
Study spanish at least once a week
Speak in Spanish to a native speaker for 1 hour once a week
Get my teeth fixed
Exercise 3 times a week
Run the Shamrock Shuffle
Run at least 3 5k races

Hangovers past and present

I fell asleep about 6am today and woke up at 9am when my crazy ass alarm clock woke me up. I had the sense to stay in bed until about 10am when my phone rang. I was wide awake and felt better than I have in weeks. I think that may have been due to the still positive alcohol level in my bloodstream. I level I believe has since dropped because the "where the hell were you last night" headache has started. Luckily there is Ibuprofen in the medicine cabinet and Wicker Park Summerfest starting in 10 minutes approximately 6 blocks from my apartment.

While scanning a previous blog just prior to deleting it forever I found this and thought I would share.

Is it possible for your body to be wide awake but your mind still be asleep? My legs are bouncing up and down like I'm on speed but my mind won't move. I know I have a million things to do today but I can't think of a one. And I am not sure I want to.

I not very fond of wakes, funeral services and the like. I am not sure anyone is, but I am really not sure what to say to the family of the deceased. Especially if I don't know them well. I saw someone I haven't seen in 15 years, a paramedic I used to work with. I also found out that Rico's cousin went to high school with Dennis. It really is a small world.

Afterwards Brother and I stopped at the local Irish pub for some food and drink, except the kitchen had closed fifteen minutes before so it was just drink for us. During the first drink I didn't think I would stay long. But then brother was nursing his drink so I had to have a second one to have something to do while he finished his first. Then before I could say anything he ordered a second, and because my glass was empty as well I had to order a third. Which is the point where I think someone yelled, "And they're off". And off to the races we were. If you put my brother and I together for any period of time, especially if there is alcohol involved, we are going to start talking about whatever goofy shit comes into our heads. And you won't be able to shut us up. Except for when we are laughing. Which is about half the time. We made friends with the bartender. And almost friends with the owner.

Things I learned last night:

I out drink my brother at rate of 3/2 if not 2/1. Bartender Rick pours really strong drinks. Chekvar is the name of a beer. Don't run from cops, it is a really bad idea. I already knew that one but the videos on TV confirmed it. There is no good substitute for just plain luck. It is usually not a good idea to start a conversation with the drunk Irishman in the bar. The owner of Chief O’Neil’s has a large club behind the bar that appeared to be designed for no other reason than to bash heads. My father had more hair at 40 than I will. Being in a bar when someone attacks the owner will get you a free drink. My brother is the king of over staying his welcome. I am probably the prince. I really need a bottle of SoCo in my apartment. It is a good thing I don't.

What else is new

I started a post about events in my life but I worked last night until 6am today didn't get to bed til 9:45 and woke up at one thirty and fucked around until 2p when I realized that I am entered into a Online Blogger Tournament at 3pm and then called my brother to find out that dinner with Dad for Dad's day is at 5pm and I am still sitting at my computer at 2:45pm. So I think running or working out is out of the question but a shower may be doable. So I am going to get naked wash myself in ice cold water because yes loyal readers I still haven't turned on my God Damn gas. I will then reheat pizza pop open a diet pepsi and try not to lose all my money. I don't know what to do about the fact that I will have to leave 1 1/2 hours into the tourney. I may have to turn wireless internet back on on my phone. Wish me luck.

A few observations

First, my blogroll is back. I don't know if anyone else had a problem seeing it but my blog roll was completely missing yesterday, but it has apparently found it's way home and is back where it belongs. I hope it got some.

Yesterday I went to by a pair of jeans because the two pair I have now have holes in them. One pair has a gaping hole in the left knee with a flap of denim hanging down. The other has a few small holes wearing through in the crotch. They aren't completely unacceptable yet but being the almost responsible father that I am I feel that wearing them around my daughter would not be sending the right message.

So I walk in to Old Navy because I just need a pair of right now jeans and nothing fancy and walk up to the jeans and what do I find? Pair after pair of jeans.....with holes in them. On purpose. When did I get transported back to the eighties? I did this fad once already. My daughter told that she wanted to bleach her jeans and put holes in them but I didn't know how far the madness had gone.

Lucky for me I was able to find a pair of jeans that didn't make me want to grow a mullet and wear high top Nikes with them. I really do hope the mullet doesn't come back. The resurgence of the Mohawk is enough.

Last observation, the spellchecker for blogger doesn't recognize the word blog. And they say I'm fucked up.

Dumbass update

I know this dumbass who got off work at 6am on Sunday, went to bed at 7:15am and woke up at 9:15am. He then went to the beach and somehow didn't put sunscreen on the tops of his feet, especially the left one. He also has an irregullarly shaped burn on the side of his left calf measuring 20cm by 8cm at it largest point becuase he apparently has a hard time with covering the entire leg with sunscreen.

Oh, and he also missed a girl's fairly obvious hints that she wanted to have sex with him in the water.

Dumbass.

I really AM still alive

This was started on 5/25/05 but not finished
until now.

It's been 21 days since my last post and this one probably won't be worth the wait but I will do my best to bring you up to date on the happenings and misadventures of my life in the past 3 weeks. I will try to be chronological as possible, but some things are easier said than done.

I finished my week long move into my new apartment. Got my security deposit from the old place. YAY! Celebrated Red's birthday at Hogs and Honeys pictures to follow. Maybe. Officially told Indian Girl that I didn't want a relationship with her. Got yelled at and cursed out for 2 hours straight. Then was called 2 1/2 hours later to be told to listen to some song that of course was nothing but static over the cell phone to cell phone connection. Then got yelled at for hanging up on the static. And finally yelled that it was 4:30am and and we were done talking and hung up and shut off the phone. I woke up to two mean voice mail messages. I called her 2 days later to try and talk when she wasn't drunk and angry. She wasn't drunk but still angry and we didn't talk long.

I then got a call a week later because she was having severe back spasms and pain and she only has 2 other friends in the entire state, now that she has divorced her husband. And apparently calling me was preferable to calling him. That and I was a bigger help with my medical background. Because we were friends for 6 years prior to this disaterous fling I got prescriptions for some pain meds and muscle relaxants and even ended taking her to the ER on day 4 or 5 of her ordeal. She is finally feeling a little better and no longer hates me and wants to see me boiled in oil. She is also now willing to accept being just friends. So she says. I am willing to give it a try.

During this time I went to three different courthouses for the driving on a suspended liscence sharges and had to get all 3 cases continued because I have not completely straightened out my liscence. So I now have another weeklong court marathon at the end of June.

I am sure I did more during that 3 weeks but I now longer remember. I know have to start my post about memorial day weekend. Wish me luck.

Here are some pictures to keep you busy.

Red and I (taken on another date because somehow we didn't get a good picture of us on her birthday)

Red's best friend

Two other friends


Our Hot Bartender

Hot bartender giving red a shot

The girls who bought Red the shot

Rico

Rico on the bull

Red getting ready to do a Blow Job shot off the Mechanical Bull Guy

Red drinking the shot. (Yes, I missed the money shot)

Shot off the bartender

Red and SRG dancing

With a way too short skirt

Red doing a shot off the bartender

Hot Bartender's wet belly

HB gets a cleaning

HB does a shot off SRG




Triple shot




Riding the bull

Hallelujiah for silver linings

I have been offline for 4 days. Yes I have checked my email and my blog from work but haven't been able to accomplish anything online. Like yell at Somebody for not guest posting to keep all of you entertained. I would really yell as much as tease. And I know she is on dreaded dial up so I might forgive her and right now I am in a good mood so now would be a good time for her to ask for that forgiveness.

As for the good mood I will have to explain. I have been in a bad mood for weeks. I have a lot of things in my life coming ot a head right now and almost none of them good. The most immediate is that I have moved out of a 3bdr 2ba apartment that my friend wanted to rent out for $1300/month but gave to me for $1100/month and was willing to give to me for $1000/month to get me to stay and is now renting out for $1400/month to move into a $550/month 1 bedroom almost a full bath (shower no tub) garden apartment, for those of you non-Chicagoans that means basement. I have been depressed about this and lamenting my decision. And to improve my mood, while packing up the last of the bathroom I knocked my phone off my belt and deposited it squarely into the center of the toilet bowl. Nothing but net. Two points. Play taps, this bitch is dead. Unfortunately I was planning on attending a concert tonight (Steven Stills, give me shit later) but my friend had my ticket and being unable to reach me due to my dead phone, and I being unable to reach him due to my dead phone and my not being smart enough to set up my computer and get his cell phone number before leaving the house, sold my ticket. I got down there late because I am always late, and then I had to park 4-5 blocks away and check every local establishment for a pay phone, in ten years kids won't know what those are, only to find one 1/2 a block from The Park West but without any quarters had to ask two establishments for quarters only to realize I did not have my friends number. Calling work provided no help they didn't have access to his number either. I walked around in front of The Park West again then realized that I hadn't checked my own voice mail. There were 7 unheard messages, Mom, Red, Indian Girl, and 4 from my friend. The first two telling me where to meet them for dinner, the second one getting pissy saying if I don't hear from you I am selling the ticket and the fourth saying that he expected at least a phone call and that he was selling the ticket. I tried to buy one from scalpers out front but they were going for more than I had in my pocket and I didn't want to stand around until after it started to see if I could get one cheap. I walked back to my car stopping at a local drinking establishment to wet my whistle and ease the pain, then came home to set up my computer, luckily the damn tricorder piece of sheet syncs with outlook, to get his number. And when I set it up, the computer automatically tried to connect me to MSN and Yahoo messengers. Unsuccessfully of course. And the little icon in the corner for wireless showed a red monitor, but I thought what if... What if I connected the little antenna? Sure enough, yellow. So I tried to connect and got nothing. Another network appeared on my list. I tried and nothing. So I lifted the computer up on top of the table instead of underneath. And to make a long story only slightly shorter, I am writing to you on Free Wireless Internet.

Free. Wireless. Internet.

Well not completely free. Somebody is paying for it but not me. Now I should feel slightly bad but I am pretty sure someone was freeloading on my network at my last apartment so I am just riding the wave of good Karma. And would probably be more than happy to split someone's internet cable bill. But for now I am super happy that I may be able to save $62/month by not paying for ineternet cable.

I will have to use this network as much as possible in the next few days to see how constant it is, before cancelling the installation of my internet cable given that the signal strengthn is low. Because right now if I transfer from my old place there is no installation fee. But if I cancel and decide later I will probably get nailed with a $50 fee or so. Not good.

But for right now I am doing the happy dance.

Update: Okay of course while searching on line for pictures snoopy happy dancing I lose my signal and couldn’t post this damn thing. I guess I am buying internet after all.

The network just went off line all together and the name of the network sounds like a restaurant so maybe they just closed. We shall see.

Okay now it is back up.

And now it's not.

Update #2: I have lifted up the compter and put it closer to the window and it currently rests next to the TV and the signal strength is very good. Yay me! However the mouse is now on the left side of the computer but I am sure I can get all this moved around.

What can I say?

Indian Girl made it over 48 hours without calling but then leaves this
3:52 message. Yeah, it's long but worth it. Grab some popcorn, or
better yet a beer, and have a seat and hang on for the ride.


I think she getting the point, but somehow makes me feel even more guilty.

Fucktards run amok

There are fucktards in this world. We all know there are fucktards in this world. They are now so prevalent in this world that they are no longer cause a sense of wonder and amazement if not shock and awe. 50 years ago some of the fucktard antics that are common place would have been two weeks worth of conversations at the local beauty parlor and malt shop. Today they barely cause a shake of the head and a muttered “fucktard”.

These fucktards are common people. Everday folks that are working at places a half a step above McDonald’s or collecting disability for burning themselves on the fry machine three years ago. And they do ricockulous things like take a check when robbing someone or look directly into the bank camera as you take off your ski mask. They do more common fucktard things while living in there fucktard world.

Things like somehow making it all the way to 62 years of age then thinking climbing a tree is a good idea. Then falling out of said tree in such a way to cause a concussion. But there are people above these things, smarter than these things. People like professors, doctors, theologians. Then there are the people who would never come in contact with these types of these things. People like the Carnegies, the Rockefellers, the Trumps, movie stars, rock stars. Or so you would think.

Earlier this week pansy ass heroin addicted never worked a hard day in his life Kieth Richards, yeah that Kieth Richards, fell out of a FUCKING PALM TREE. In a FOREIGN FUCKING COUNTRY.

*shakes head*

Fucktard.

Now that's funny, or is it?

Someone has decided that my recockulous life would make a recockulously funny comic strip.

Even I have to laugh.

Time's a tickin'

In more ways than one. I have to be fully packed and ready to move in 8 1/2 hours. And hopefully get some sleep in there some where. Where I don't know. I have 4 people confirmed to help me move. It is not an army but it is good.

The second countdown is also on. It has been 24 hours since there has been any communication between Indian Girl and myself. 48 more to go and this bubble should be ready to pop. She hasn't left a message yet but I know she will.

Okay, I know he's an idiot but this is funny

If this won't play right away, click on it and you can play it on the you tube site.

The Saga Continues

Okay so I am trying to diplomatically, nicely break up with Indian Girl. Not going to happen. Psychochicks get angry and cry, and go why, why, why? This is what they do. I know this. I have known this for a long time and is why I finally gave up psycho chicks for good. My problem is that this is a psycho chick from my past, from before I got smart. Also I never quite saw the psycho chick side until I went out with her and somehow I didn't run for my life. Now it is in danger.

I had a plan.

A good plan.

A plan that would a least show her that we are not very compatible and I am not what she is looking for and am not good relationship material.

I am moving this weekend. She has volunteered to help pack, to help move, to help do whatever will put her right next to me. I politely declined. My plan was to not call her all weekend. No matter what. Not even if she called. Not even if she called a hundred times. I have an excuse. I was moving. I didn't even have my phone with me most of the time. I would call Monday. Maybe Tuesday. She would be pissy and then we would have a conversation starter. I could end it.

No such luck. She called twice today and I didn't even listen to the voicemails. Until someone else left a message.

This is her first message.



FUCK. How can I be mean to a girl who just lost her job.

Then I got this message.



FUCK. How can I refuse to console a woman who just lost her job. How can I refuse her request.

Then genious struck me. There is one failsafe excuse. One thing no one can argue with. Children. My daughter, Monkey, is staying with me this weekend. But I am not picking her up until tomorrow. I left this part out. Actually I specifically stated that I was picking her up tonight. I got a But I really wanted to see you tonight.

Bad things never happen at good times. She can't blame me I am being a good dad. And what dad would have a woman sleep over with his teenage daughter in the house?

Now I have to go pack like a motherfucker. If any of you Chicagoans wanna come over and pack and drink all my liquor so I don't have to take it with let me know.

Can't win for losing

Okay the band-aid is still on, but I am more determined than ever to get it off. I met indian Girl at the bar last night adn we barely spoke for the first hour. We were playing pool, so it wasn't like we were just sitting and staring at each other. But we really didn't have anything to say. She had 3 drinks and was playing pool with the door man before I got there. I needed at least three drinks to relax and loosen up and start talking. What did she want to talk about?

"I'm saving up to take us to Vegas" she says. I think I did a good job at hiding my disbelief, but maybe she was just too drunk to notice.

In the can't win for losing category......We were at the bar that I took Red to on Monday. And guess what? Same bartender. So what you say? Red and I were making out half the time we were there. Now the bartender was as drunk as we were on Monday so maybe she truly didn't recognize me, or maybe she didn't think it was her place to say anything but she was pretty friendly with Indian Girl. Part of me wishes she would have said something to Indian Girl. Now Indian Girl knows I am dating other people and has known from the get go. But I thought that if she would hear about it she would get upset, sulk, get super quiet, which would lead to the what' wrong conversation, which would lead to a discussion on how I am not able to fufill her needs and that she should move on. No such luck.

Then to drive me crazy she got even drunker and asked me every 3 min during whatever story she just couldn't stop telling, if I wanted to go to Vegas with her and didn't that sound like fun.

Loads.

Missed Call or Missed Calling?

I don't know who she works for or what she wanted. I am sure it is a creditor, so I didn't call back.

What I do know is she missed her calling in the phone sex industry.

My Friends

My friends are an interesting bunch, and few as interesting as Rico.

Rico Suave

Rico Suave is a nickname I have given him for this blog because his real nickname is too close to his real name. And we with Common Sense try to preserve the anonymity of the drunk and idiotic.

Rico is not a pretender. He is not trying to be Rico Suave. He really is a good looking, smooth talking, fun guy who is almost as good at finding a party in a convent as Shaft. This is probably where the difference between Rico and Shaft becomes evident. Rico even though quite capable of getting a nun to shed her clothes, he wouldn’t do it. Despite most of his actions, I believe he truly is afraid of hell. Shaft on the other hand would come home the next morning dancing and wearing a habit.

Shaft is fun to be with. Rico is fun to watch. Rico realizes most of the time that he is a caricature and enjoys it, the rest of the time he too drunk and just does. He gets himself into the craziest situations, and is well known for inviting more than one woman to the same place at the same time. And still going home with one of them, or sometimes with someone else all together. If he could remember half these adventures his memoirs would be amazing.

A distinct feature of Rico is that he always has a signature line. And he is smart enough to change it up once in a while. His favorite line when I met him was “Why you bringing up old shit” He would be hitting on someone we knew. “Rico, where’s your girlfriend?” she would say. “Why you bring up old shit” “She isn’t old shit.” “We broke up” “I saw you with her two days ago” “We broke up. Stop bringin’ up old shit.”
Anything you would mention that he didn’t want to talk about he would say “Why you bringin’ up old shit.”
Then we had to put up with “BAM” for a while. Cute girl walks by “BAM!” You say something funny or inappropriate “BAM!” It was a while before I found out that he stole it from Emeril. Rico was out of work at the time, and apparently spending too much time watching the Food Network.
For a while he only answered the phone "What’s up Bitch". Once I called and he said Hello and I thought I had the wrong number. He was with his daughter.
Another favorite of mine was “imaginate” (pronounced ee-ma-he-na-tay)which is Spanish for imagine that. “Shaft and I went out last night and got Whacked” Imaginate. He would always find the funniest moment to slip that in.
I could go on for hours with anecdotes about Rico and his drunken adventures. But I will give you just one more.
I used to throw a party every year around my birthday. Two days before one of these party’s Rico came over to help me move furniture and clean up. The problem with this was that I already purchased all the alcohol for the party. He came over because in addition to wanting to help he was broke and wanted to keep the night low key. I agreed. A 12 pack of corona, for him, and a ½ a bottle of Habana Club, for me, later the house was clean and we were hammered. The empty stomach drunk will get you every time. So at this point we wanted to do what most people want to do when they are hammered. Go drinking. We knew that shaft was at the restaurant he bartended at so we could drink there cheap or he would pick up the tab or both. Rico drove because he had his sister’s car and it was smaller and parking sucked where we were going. We arrived fifteen minutes after Shaft and CDG left. So we went next door to a bar that was open late and had a pool table. We arrived and within 10 minutes we were playing pool with two women we had never met. I of course got the fat friend. To her credit she wasn’t really fat, just not as good looking as her friend and for what ever reason I was being picky and anti-social and did not flirt as much as I could have. Within 45 minutes the girls were leaving Rico Suave in tow. Imaginate. He gave me his sister’s car keys, we bid each other Buena Suerte, and he left. I stuck around another 15-20 minutes and played another game of pool flirting with someone who was probably much more aware of how drunk I was, than I was. I started to realize this and cut bait when some guy bought me a drink for winning the game. I have no idea how I did that. You know it is time to go when someone hands you a drink and you can’t possibly imagine taking even one sip. It has happened to me maybe only three or four times but when it happens, it is time to GO. So I went. Outside. To realize that I didn’t see my car. And that I hadn’t brought my car. And that I wasn’t real sure what kind of car Rico’s sister drove. If it wasn’t for the fact that his sister was in an accident the day before and he showed me the huge dent in the passenger side of the car I would have never been able to identify it. I made it home in one piece. Please no lectures. I know. The next morning I was wakened by my cell phone ringing. It stopped ringing. I closed my eyes. It rang. I did not even open my eyes. My house phone rang. The answering machine did what I was not willing to do. It picked up. “It’s Rico call me back.” The cell rings. I pick it up, and this greets me from the other end “Where the fuck are you” “Jackass, I am at home. Where the Fuck are you. I wasn’t the one who took off with strange women.” “Dude, I am at their house alone. And I’m Puerto Rican. Are they Stupid? If it was Shaft he would have a truck pulled up back by now. This is a nice house.” I like to think that Shaft wouldn’t do that but we are never quite sure. Hustler by nature, Criminal by law.
I went and picked his drunk ass up. The story went something like this. He went home with them and got into the hot tub with cute short haired girl and things went on from there. He woke up to the other girl saying that she had to leave for a while for a meeting but he could stay and she would be back. So he asked “Where’s um, um……..(pointing to the other side of the bed)” “Barbara?” “Yeah Barbara” “She flew back to San Francisco this morning, remember?” “Yeah, Yeah.” That’s when the phone calls to me started.

I hate telling stories about Rico because they make him sound like a womanizing drunk, but they are so entertaining. The good news is that he is no longer a drunk. He sobered up in April. He fell off the wagon for about a month but has been clean again for about three weeks now and seems much more committed now. He wants to go to 90 meetings in 90 days and be celibate for 90 days. Buena Suerte.

I knew Rico for a year and a half before I ever saw him sober. The transformation was amazing. He is a very cool very intelligent loyal friend when he is sober. I hope he stays that way for a long time.

Everybody wish Rico a happy birthday.

This is what a message from Rico usually sounds like.

This is a rare longer message from Rico

Audioblogger vs. Audioblog

It works, it really works......for now

They are so killing me.

I have been trying to record an audioblog post all afternoon and it keeps fucking with me. It takes ten tries for it to accept my log in then there is a 90 second pause before I get a record tone, so I record and it won't accept the # key at the end and it then disconnects me and doesn't post my recording.

Sheesh.

And I thought this new home was going to be stress free.

Indian Girl in Action

This is my first audiopost so bear with me. Those of you who have followed me from over here know a about Indian Girl. Those who haven't can read about Indian Girl.

Yes, Whatsername, I am going to just rip the band aid off.

Question Time

I stole this from tony who stole it from Binsk

Put your music player on shuffle. Press forward for each question. Use the song title as the answer to the question. Post on your blog.

Will I get far in life?
4-ize- Ludacris

How do my friends see me?
Don’t make me wait too long- Barry White

Where will I get married?
Slow Dance- John Coltrane

What is my best friend’s theme song?
You Learn- Alainis Morrisette

What is the story of my life?
Bite to Break the Skin- Senses Fail

What was high school like?
Sabbath Bloody Sabbath- Black Sabbath

How can I get ahead in life?
El Amor Que Te Di- El Gran Combo de Peurto Rico

What is the best thing about me?
I am the Bullgod- Kid Rock

How is today going to be?
Large Amounts- Ludacris

What is in store for this weekend?
Passive/Aggressive- Fun Lovin’ Criminals

What song describes my parents?
Diamond in the Back- Ludacris

My grandparents?
Closer- Nine Inch Nails

How is my life going?
Bombin’ the L- Fun Lovin’ Criminals

What song will they play at my funeral?
Take Me Away - Avril Lavigne

How does the world see me?
Player- DMX

Will I have a happy life?
I do Not Want This- Nine Inch Nails

What do my friends really think of me?
Swamp Music- Lynard Skynard

Do people secretly lust after me?
A Tu Vera- Gypsy Kings

How can I make myself happy?
Agua de Beber- Antonio Carlos Jobim

What should I do with my life?
Sneakin’ out of the Hospital- Beastie Boys

Will I ever have children?
Check It Out- John Mellencamp

What is some good advice?
Get Back- Ludacris

What is my signature dancing song?
R.O.C.K. in the USA- John Mellencamp

What do I think my current theme song is?
The Impression That I Get- Mighty Mighty Bosstones

What does everyone else think my current theme song is?
Shame- Matchbox Twenty

What type of men/women do you like?
Old Devil Moon- Frank Sinatra

What did you think of this meme?
Makin’ Whopee- Frank Sinatra