If the world were honest I could post a personal ad like this
104 year old man seeks mid to late 20’s female who isn’t married, spit out a kid, engaged, whoring around or involved in more than 3 non-exclusive relationships. Not living with her parents, her ex-boyfriend or my ex-girlfriend. Is not obsessed with being thin but understands that drinking and watching Smallville are not sports. (Okay, I might give you that drinking thing but only if done outside the house. Otherwise it is just practice.) And does not qualify you as being athletic. I want a woman who can beat me at basketball, it’s not that hard trust me. And can challenge me at Scrabble. Chess is an option. Intelligence is a must. I used to think college was an option but if you are not smart enough to know that you need to go to college, see previous sentence. Me: My hobbies are Movies, running, Cubs baseball ( the rest of the league can suck my ass. Okay maybe I’ll go to a BoSox game), reading, playing Scrabble, drinking, and assorted naked debauchery. I prefer my movies to be dramas, and my life to be silly slapstick comedy. Not the other way around. Anyone who thought Epic Movie was funny need not apply.
Prefered but not required are women who like any of the following: giving oral sex, receiving oral sex, anal sex, spanking, rough play, dirty talk, biting, mild BDSM, and sex outside. As frequently as possible.
If there are any women who like everything in the second paragraph, the first paragraph is negotiable.