Monday, May 28, 2007

If I were honest

If the world were honest I could post a personal ad like this

104 year old man seeks mid to late 20’s female who isn’t married, spit out a kid, engaged, whoring around or involved in more than 3 non-exclusive relationships. Not living with her parents, her ex-boyfriend or my ex-girlfriend. Is not obsessed with being thin but understands that drinking and watching Smallville are not sports. (Okay, I might give you that drinking thing but only if done outside the house. Otherwise it is just practice.) And does not qualify you as being athletic. I want a woman who can beat me at basketball, it’s not that hard trust me. And can challenge me at Scrabble. Chess is an option. Intelligence is a must. I used to think college was an option but if you are not smart enough to know that you need to go to college, see previous sentence. Me: My hobbies are Movies, running, Cubs baseball ( the rest of the league can suck my ass. Okay maybe I’ll go to a BoSox game), reading, playing Scrabble, drinking, and assorted naked debauchery. I prefer my movies to be dramas, and my life to be silly slapstick comedy. Not the other way around. Anyone who thought Epic Movie was funny need not apply.

Prefered but not required are women who like any of the following: giving oral sex, receiving oral sex, anal sex, spanking, rough play, dirty talk, biting, mild BDSM, and sex outside. As frequently as possible.

If there are any women who like everything in the second paragraph, the first paragraph is negotiable.


Dawn said...

sounds like a good ad to me...good luck in your search..if I know anyone like that I will send them your way ;)

Michele sent me

Shasta MacNasty said...

quick question...not really relevant to anything...but do you have a kid?

David said...


I love you.

You understand of course that is in a I don't know you please don't sue me for sexual harrassment way.

No, seriously after I wrote this post I really felt that if any of my semi-constant readers would comment it would be you. I am kinda bummed you weren't the first comment.

Yes, I have a 14 yo daughter, and I normally wouldn't have made the spit out a kid comment, however in the past week almost every woman I ment that was with child or had a child was a bit nucking futs. And it kinda turned me off in general. But no, I have nothing against single mom's and there are women out there with children that way out rank a lot of those that don't.

I hope that you as a semi-constant reader realize that this post was the result of a bad day.

When I came back here to check my site I had actually forgotten about this post.

Shasta MacNasty said...

mutual love fest aside, i clearly understand the post was done tongue-firmly-planted-in-cheek. that much is glaringly obvious.

it's not the "spit out a kid" line that tickles me so, it's the title and the line after that. "if i were honest...if the world were honest" and in all that honesty, the omission of the fact that you "spit out a kid" of your own. the combination of the obvious omission and the title of the post is the most amusing part of this whole post. :)